I just taken some syndol and i can feel it kicking in so i'll have to make this quick. Also ive got aerobics on in the morning so i want to be awake enough to go!
As you can tell from my pretty picture to the left today has been a good day! In fact its been better than good - im just hoping that this wont become a pattern because usually when i have one or two really uber-good days its follwed by a week of bad days! But i know why now - its because if i eat little and more often rather than think that if i deny myself a little longer, i will be in less trouble of binging. But enough analysing for now - lets get onto the juicy (or not so juicy) details of today!
I had made plans to meet up with a friend at 12 midday but when my alaram went off this morning the last thing i wanted to do was drag myself out of bed. Reason? - because i went to bed at 5.30am! argh! But, thank my lucky stars, i got a txt 20 minutes after from my friend saying she couldnt make it. Well it was a shame, but hello bed! I went straight back to sleep and didnt get up until 2pm after that. Although before i went back off to sleep i did take my hoodia pills. I know i wasnt awake enough to need them but its worth taking them to get the body into a rhythm.
When i finally got up, i did some more interneting and mooching around. The night before i was surfing the internet and, when i need to binge (as i did last night), i go onto online shopping sites and add as much crap to my basket as possible. Then before i go into the checkout i close the window. It passes the time. Anyways, thats what i did the night before, and then went back and did a really healthy ana basket. This afternoon i went back and wrote down all the things i wanted to get. Then i went to shop.
The List:
- cherry tomatoes
- carrots
- alpro yoghurt
- hot chocolate sachet
- sweetner
- mustard
- fry lite spray
- pepsi max pack
- ginger (explain later)
- also galaxy cake bars and solero ice creams (explain later)
When i got home i took my pill for lunch. As it started to reach 5pm i was getting peckish so i tried a very small carrott with a 1/4 teaspoon of mustard. The mustard is SO strong you dont need much! But i ate it then felt like i didnt have to eat anymore which must be a first!
Now...im sure you want a reason for cake bars and ice cream on the list. It doesnt sound very 'ana' does it?! lol. Well, the binge day on Monday had been a disaster and that night i had eaten 3 out of the 4 cornettos in the freezer. The reason for the cake bars is because i binged on them before as well and considered it a sort of 'making up' offering.
As soon as i got in from the shoping, i cleaned the bathroom o mum had something nice to come home to and planned to do more jobs to save her the hasstle at the weekend. Then i got ready for aerobics and cycled to the class for 6pm. Im so glad i went and tomorrow i have two classes going! yay! I asked mum how her day had been and she acted as if i shouldnt have asked her and said 'you just dont know how it is...i told you weeks ago'. - i only asked!
As i was cycling i got home 10 minutes after my mum and when i did she snapped my head off...again! She had found that i had eaten the cornettos, her response was to get really angry at me and ask why. I thought i might be too risky to put on a mock dumb face and say 'gee! do you remember back about 5 months ago when i came out of hospital with bulimia? Well it doenst go away that quickly sweetie!'. But i didnt say anything and she kept asking until i screamed at her that i didnt know why i ate them. I mean, do we ever have an explaination for why we starve, binge or purge? Truly? I mean, i'd even bought her substitute ice creams so im dont understand why she was so pissed off. I think she's counted the ice creams now...
However, the one good thing that came out of that was that i was so mad i didnt go down for tea. Instead i closed myself off in my room and tidied it. It cleanses and destresses me sooo well! I havent left my room since now!
So...as you may have just worked out there wont be much to record on the calorie front today!
CALORIE SECTION:
MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
Nothing 0kcal
Tea
Nothing 0kcal
Snacks
4 x small carrott batons 10kcal (max)
1/4 tsp of mustard 2kcal (max)
TOTAL CAL INTAKE: 12KCAL
EXERCISE SECTION:
EXERCISE CALS BURNED
13 mins cycling into and out of town 70kcal
20 mins cycling into and out of town (further distance) 120kcal
1 hour aerobics class, hard workout 600kcal
EXERCISE CAL BURN 790KCAL
Wow! Well, ive done pretty well today! I suppose we will just have to see what tomorrow brings!
BTW. thanks to ty for replying - i REALLY apprieciate it! I like the idea of the cheese salad. I'm veggie so couldnt go with chicken or prawn im afraid. I'd just have to be careful at the table tho because two ppl there are ex-anorexics! lol. But its possible i could get away with the napkin trick because everyone will be preoccupied, etc. Its scary but i know that i can always order a salad and my mum will just have to lump it! lol
TIP: I hate saying 'tips' because i dont like encouraging EDs, just showing them for their true nature and supporting others who have it. However, i dont know what else to call this! I recently decided to try an idea of mine (not exclusively im sure! lol), to find a smell that relaxes you, but one you dont associate with food. Then try and capture that smell somehow and put it in a pouch so that when you feel like eating you just take a sniff.
My example: I LOVE the smell of cinnammon because its warm, homely and i dont redily associate it with food. So i took 2 cinnamon sticks, broke them in half and put them in a little organza pouch. Ive been sniffing it all day - its so addictive, but it works. Im also going to try it with ginger because i love that too...not sure how thats going to work tho! lol
Love to you all - thin is in!
Xx Poppy xX
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