Quick note please read

I'm just watching 'Supersize me' and the facts are so disturbing that its making me cry! lol
Im not a person who does this sort of thing but they were showing how the size of fries in mcdonalds has increased and that even the small has 200KCAL in it! Now, my intake a day is roughly 250kcal! its just so shocking. Also it makes me scared because i never want to go in there again.

(sorry its fuzzy - but its not a DVD i have, im watching it off the internet)
THIS IS A FILM YOU MUST WATCH - IT IS THE BEST MOTIVATOR TO STOP EATING EVER!
'SUPERSIZE ME' BY MORGAN SPURLOCK

Pizzas, pilavas and party dresses!

Yes! My first day back at the gym! It feels great and my stubborness is finally paying off as i forced myself onto higher levels and faster speeds! However this triumph was slightly spoiled by the fact i ate a piece of pizza later on.


In my defense over the pizza thing, i wasnt going to eat any. I had concucted this plan and told my mum i was going out with a friend. Then i would go out for the time when tea would be served and go to the gym to lose more calories - it would be killing two birds with one stone/

However, the plan fell through so i had to have tea at home. To make it worse it was pizza, so i was hoping that when offered pizza i would say no. However my mum just went ahead and dished them out. So luckily i denied myself the second slice, i mean fo the calories one was more than enough! ew!

So i took some laxitives to get rid of it. Now im just going to have a short diatribe on the laxitive debate: It is hard when you have just eaten something you shouldn't have and can't purge or go and exercise it away, laxitives (altought their effects are debated) provide a slim hope for those desperate enough to give them a go. This little hope is better than no hope at all.

Ah! rant over!

As for the dress i spoke of above, I have had my eye on a gorgeous red halterneck dress from monsoon for ages but it has recently gone out of line. So i found one on ebay and there was no more being sold. It was two sizes under what i am but i thought that was perfect motivation. I AM going to wear it at my 21st.

THIS IS MY NEXT GOAL!

I sucessfully tried to convince my mum that i AM eating by putting weetabix in a bowl with milk, throwing away half of it then leaving it by the sink so she thought i'd had breakfast.

Here are my cals for the day:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
nothing 0kcal

Lunch
pepsi max 0kcal

Tea
1 piece of pizza 150kcal
salad 35kcal
pepsi max 0kcal

Snacks lemon fudge 500kcal
NOTE: by the way, this is really hard to be this honest. I was so convinced i was going to lie to you about having more fudge but i have thrown it away now so must be honest to all of you and strong.

Oh, sorry, didn't you hear me, yes, even after what i said about not doing it i have THROWN AWAY THE FUDGE! lol

Anyways...

EXERCISE CAL

1hr 15min hard gym workout 470kcal

So, when taking the cals burnt from the cals eaten, it works out as...

215kcal!

So, even though i feel absoloutely crap about eating it (which i wont anymore cos ive thrown it), at least i stuck to my 250kcal a day thing.

Anyways, short blog today as i have work in a few hours then an evening out at a pizza place! argh! god help me! No more fooooood! lol :z

Byzee Bye,

Poppy

Peanut Bugger Fudge! Oh Hell!

So...i know i will have to begrudgingly hand it to you and say that you were right. I ate the chocolate bar last night!


I'm at the very least disappointed in myself and a little worried that i wont lose any weight and put it back on. But luckily i managed to bring it back up so, even though i didnt want to do purge as much anymore, im glad i did. Otherwise i think i would have spiralled again.

So, after that catastrophe, i said i'd have a good day today. So it started well, although my sister kept asking when i was having lunch - and she can be really bossy!

Anyways, i got a haircut - which is the only bit of good news today! I love it - ALOT shorter! But you can't see it, so your probably not caring about this piece of information huh?!

So, where was i?...Oh! Well the problem started when i'd got back from my haircut. This was because i had ordered some fudge a while ago and it had arrived today. Well, i dont know why i had it because i wasnt feeling as badly inclined as the choc last nite. I had it all.

I worked out the calories on calorieking.com, and BUGGER! Time for serious measures to be taken. I threw up some of it, but as i was unable to get it all out i went for a hard bike ride to get rid of the calories. I timed the bike ride so i missed tea as well so it saved me more calories.

In all, the day turned out better than imagined calorie-wise, however minus 10 points to my self-contol! im pants at controlling myself when somethings in front of me.

My test for this will be the choc bar my mum bought me today. I am NOT going to eat it this eve or any other time. I MUST FIGHT THIS!

I bet your thinkin 'God she likes to talk! Just get to the calories!'. So here they are:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
3 pieces of gum 15kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
2 cans of pepsi max 0kcal

Snacks peanut fudge 500kcal
1x sugar free squash 6kcal

TOTAL 521kcal

BUT...

EXERCISE KCAL BURNT

30 minute walk 120kcal

45 minute hard bike ride 360kcal

TOTAL BURNT 480kcal

So...

TOTAL CALORIES TAKEN --- 41kcal

I am chuffed about that because its the best i've done so far! However im a bit sceptical of the amount of calories for exercise and for the fudge. I never completely trust something i cant see: i.e. if i cant see the food outside my body then i find it hard to believe i havent actually consumed it. I would really apprieciate it if someone could let me know if these figures for exercise and calories look accurate. I get them off a calorie site so they should be ok, but you can never be sure! Thnx.

Anyways i must go, cos im gonna be gymin it tomorrow, hopefully for two hours.

Arrivederci,

Poppy xx

The chocolate bar has eyes - and it's staring straight at me! What's it saying? 'Eat me!'

To eat or not to eat? That is the question.
Cheap gag, i know, but its the best i can muster at the moment. You all know the situation, in a moment of weakness or cunning you buy a chocolate bar. From the moment you buy it you know it was wrong.

Now, heres my predicament. It is just sitting there at the end of my bed. I havent touched it since i bought it this afternoon, which is good for me. I bought it because my sister was there with me and she would have SOO suspected something if i had refused chocolate. Anyways, it is 12.36 midnight here - defcon1 for bingeing. I can't binge however there is this bar. My stomach pains are reli bad this evening and i know im not supposed to eat it but its hard.

I know as soon as i go to watch my film i will want food. My head is such a bitch! So what do i do?!

Here's my calorie intake for today:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
3 pieces of gum 15kcal

Lunch
Diet Coke 0kcal
4 pieces of gum 20kcal

Tea
Beef stir fry (just beef and peppers) 200kcal
2 pieces of gum 10kcal
Misc 2 x sugar free squash 12kcal

Total 257kcal

So, as you can see i am under 300kcal. The chocolate bar is 260kcal. Its scary thats more than my intake for today! If i had it it would bring my calorie total up to 517kcal.

So i don't know what to do. As much as i apprieciate your comments about throwing it i don't think i can. As for purging, that thought did cross my mind. However, as it is so late i cant do it in the bathroom as my parents will be able to hear. I would do it in my room, but i dont have a spare bowl (i know its gross but its just the way i work - i get desperate).

Well, isnt this a load of waffle! lol. mmm. waffles.... STOP IT!

If you can imagine me now i am knawing at my knuckles going cross-eyed barking mad!

Poppy xx

_______________________________________________________

'I am tied to the stake, and I must stand the course.'

King Lear, 3. 7

'O reason not the need!'

King Lear, 2.4 267

'When the minds free,/The bodys delicate'

King Lear, 3.4 11

"Who is it that can tell me who I am?"

King Lear, 1.4.230

I'm never eating cherries again! 4kcal per cherry! Red-headed monsters!

Geez! I am so hyped tonight! And what great reason has got you so hyped up?, you may ask. I did really well today eating wise. I know it sounds like a minor acheivement but today was really tough and it was thanks to support sites and people like you. So, heres what i've had today:
MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast Nothing 0kcal

Lunch Diet Cherry Coke 0kcal

Tea A pepsi max can 0kcal
4 forkfuls of chicken 94kcal
6 tablespoons of peas 44kcal
10 cherries 40kcal

Snacks Wrigleys sugar free gum 25kcal

TOTAL: 203KCAL

Could someone tell me if this is accurate as i thought 44kcal for 6 tbsp of peas was a bit steep. I've been using calorieking.com.

By the way, mental note: Never have cherries! I mean, OMG! 4kcal per cherry!

Harking back to my last entry, work was again tough. There were times i almost slipped some tasters without even realising it! I had to remind myself that once i started i knew i wouldnt be able to stop, then i would have felt crap.

Querie: For those of you living with family, how do you get away with not eating at the table? it is virtually impossible to me. As i used my trump card today saying 'i was full' i cant use it again tomorrow. My family know about my eating so are always on the lookout.

Hopefully will do just as well tomorrow, but without the cherries! lol.

Gute Nacht!

Poppy
oxo

Oh summer, how i hate you with a vengeance!

God how i hate the summer!


It is one of those times where the beautifully thin can flaunt their bodies, and i have to walk around in clothes that must cover at least 80% of my body. Everytime i imagine shorter shorts, i see jelly legs, and tighter tops equals tummy flab. Its a right pain!

I apologise for sounding like a female victor meldrew (British TV reference) but for those of you who haven't already twigged 'tis the season to feel like a roly poly!

Seriously, i don't think this year could have more pressure on for me! I have a holiday coming up in a few weeks, my 21st (aaaahhh!), and my mums wedding!

I hope you are all feeling chipper today and doing better than me towards your goals! I would love to hear how your eating/fasting/purging is doing.

Anyways, must attempt to get to sleep - am now down to 3hrs sleep until i must get up for work. joy!

God - and i havent even got onto the absoloute torture of working in a place that serves food! Please join me in my rant and let me know how it is for you to work in a foodie place.

Au Revoir for now,

*_* zzz