Im sorry i havent been on recently - it appears that i underestimated how many people actually look at my blog! I just thought as i wasnt getting any responses that people had given up looking at it, so it wasnt as urgent to write.
The reason i havent written much is because i was ill with a bug from Tuesday to Thursday, then i became very busy with life. For some strange reason, i've been getting so tired alot quicker now so everytime i thought about sitting down to write an enourmous blog i kinda gave in to the effort. At the same time, despite being sleepy, ive been living off a maxuimum of 4 hours sleep a day. It sucks big time!
Another reason i havent blogged much to you lovely people!, is because ive been ashamed of this week. Its been a complete joke. I can safely predict now that i have only lost a pound this week - and thats pathetic! Ive been constantly binging on bad foods most nights then puking them back up. Its been such a mia week for me and i hate it!
On top of all this i havent exercised for an entire week! I was ill for a while and still felt crap for a few days after. I had planned to start on Saturday, however that was the day that our parents had gone away so i wanted to spend time with my sister so i didnt go to the gym. Sunday i was supposed to run, but it peed down so hard with rain that it was called off. So today (Monday) is the first time i have done exercise in ages!
God! That was a huge moan! It seems alot of shit for a week and hardly any progress! I would love it if i could get some help and advice as to how to successfully cut out certain foods long term. Ive just become vegetarian, and have had no problem cutting out meat. Its chocolate, crisps and carbs i have a slight problem with! I dont have a problem with carbs during the day, but at night i kill for them!
So any helping hands on the matter i would REALLY apprieciate BIG TIME!...
Today has been sort of crappy, but ive tried to amend it with exercise. Its like the calorie version of badly mending an ornament with sellotape - everthing fits back where it should, but its still broken.
I got up late today and after a chat with my sister, we went into town. Blah, blah, blah - you know how it goes, we did all the things we needed to do. Then i thought it would be nice to get a drink in town. While my sister went and got a table, i got her (on request) some chocolate from Tescos. I picked up a wrap and decided it wouldnt be awful if i shared it (100 and something cals for half).
When i got back to my sister, we had a drink and it was only when i was about to put the wrap to my mouth i realise i had picked up chicken! I had known what it was, but my mind hadnt conciously said 'Its chicken, Poppy, so you cant have it!'. I told my sister i couldnt have it and she ate the rest. After our drinks, i knew my sister would notice i still hadnt had any lunch - and it was 4pm! So i picked up an egg and cress sandwich instead.
At home, i took one bite only to spit it out and hid the rest in a cupboard until i could safely throw it away. There was one slip up (hence the message to you guys above) i had made, which was to buy a bag of chocolate. My excuse was that my sister had got herself some, and so it was more tempting. But i know there are NO EXCUSES!
When at home, i scoffed the lot. I felt crap afterwards and threw some of it up. When my mum got home we had an argument because she complained and shouted about the fabric basket (you know like dogs have?) we had gotten our guinea pigs. I just stopped talking to her, and still havent 5 hours after.
So...feeling guilty about the choc, i decided i had to go to the circuit training group. It was good and im so glad i went. But i was depressed throughout the entire circuit. Not because of the argument, but because i knew that i wanted to keep going and no matter how much exercise i did in this class, it would end and i wouldnt have done enough. The chocolate and fat would still be in me.
When i got home, the argument with my mum gave me an excuse to say i wasnt hungry, so i didnt have any tea. This was my attempting to make amends for the choc. I hate even saying the word without cringing.
Also this week, ive self harmed (SH) again. Its been ages since i had last done it. Maybe months since id seriously done it. But ive had such a crap week that i HAD to punish myself, so i used a razor to cut my stomach. Its so flabby and fat and i never felt i had cut deep enough. Earlier i felt like doing it tonight with scissors all over my legs. I might still, i dont know.
Anyways, i hope this is enough of a blog for you.
My personal apologies to Cara who brought my attention to the fact that people have missed my blogs. Thanks. It seems i do better when i know i have to write a blog to you lot at the end of the day, so perhaps getting back to doing a blog every day, may help me do better with my eating and exercise!
I will try my very hardest to get back on here tomorrow. Im working during the day then (hopefully) gym afterwards from 6.30pm-7.30pm.
CALORIE SECTION:
MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
Nothing 0kcal
Tea
Nothing 0kcal
Snack
bag of choc 900kcal
CALS TOTALS: 900kcal!!!!
EXERCISE SECTION:
EXERCISE CALS BURNED
10 mins both ways, into and out of town, moderate 100kcal
1 hour circuit training, hard workout 500kcal
TOTAL CALS BURNED 600KCAL
OOO! PS! I just remembered! Im so excited for Wednesday because im going to do a marathon of exercise! Im going to do an hours spin class (on bikes) then an hours body conditioning (weights). Also im going to cycle there and back. its all booked! So im really excited about all the cals that will burn - lets pray for lots of weight loss!
Bye Bye!
Poppy xx
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