S.O.S. - beep bleeeep bep bleeeeep. (translation: feeling crap, help please!)

I need so much perseverance, i need a stubborn will. How can it happen that right now the last thing i can stand is to consume any food especially fattening things. Yet when i wake up its like none of what i have thought or felt the night before actually happened and i eat again. It makes me so angry and im determined to do better tomorrow and all the days after. Its just not good enough.


Tomorrow will be a new day and i am going to try not to dwell too much on today although i didnt binge'.

This morning i went to see a friend and her baby. I was there until 1pm then walked home. It took my mind off thinking about food as being out and about always does. However, i like to have some spare time at home which is when thoughts of food come in.

When at home i checked myself at the cupboards and just made myself one rice cracker with half a dairylea spread. I went up to my room and left it beside me so i could choose whether to eat it or not. My stomach pains were really bad at this point. I ate it then succumbed to a lolly. Im so pissed off with myself that i can feel my blood boiling, especially considering later.

The afternoon went and around 6pm i went to aerobics. This at least curbed my feelings of being out of control that i felt. When back home i chose to have a salad. This was again followed by a lolly. I feel as though someone needs to lash me everytime i go near bad food. I dont know what other techniques i can use to avoid it. Im quite desperate for any help on how to convince myself to stay away from bad foods. Please help.

Now im sitting here pulling at my pyjamas and so scared i will put on weight. Im so angry and so scared. I hate myself, i must do this.

CAL SECTION:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
rice cake with 1/2 dairylea slice 38kcal

Tea
salad 20kcal

Snacks
2 x lollies 326kcal

TOTAL 384KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

1 hour aerobics session, hard workout 600KCAL

10 minute walk to gym 40KCAL

TOTAL 640KCAL

So, im going to go wallow in my anger and hate of myself now so im prepared for tomorrow, but id really apprieciate as much help and support as possible because im going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment.

S.O.S.

x Poppy x