Firstly i must say this stright away because im uber-duber touched by your messages of support in response to my last blog. I'm so grateful and they mean so much to me.
I have been so worried about telling anyone my weight and never saw a good time to tell anyone. So thank you for making me feel as though there will never be a perfect time, its just important to have great friends and support who will understand and help you through things.
Special hugs to Lise Lotte who i've been chatting with on prettythin for the last two days! Also to Elle's kind message about the 100th blog on the guestbook. Your message really gave me a positivity that i'd been lacking before and i hope i inspire the same back to you. I know how horrible day-long binges are and so if you need someone to talk to just email me and i will send you a reply the same day - lifeisafreefallplunge@hotmail.co.uk .
Also before i forget, more thanks to AnneMarie for her supportive and cautionary messages on self-harming and positive attitude. I havent harmed in a while now and hopefully, as im losing weight, i wont feel the urge to, but if i do - i promise you'll be the first i come to! Your messages are always uplifting and encourage me to keep climbing the mountain! Finally but not lastly, thanks to an anonymous person who left a message on my blog two days ago regarding my 'pledge' when i had especially asked people to do so. I would have felt a right billy if no one have left a message and its important for me to know that i made my promise to someone / people, so that i can convince myself that through this im bound by my e-word (!) to follow it out. So far so good!
Right, on to today's shinanigans! Well due to chatting on prettythin last night, i didnt turn my computer off until 4am. It was, not so happily, then that my searing stomach pains kicked in. These stomach pains were due to me taking laxitives earlier. Now wait! I know what your thinking - 'they dont work! dont take them!' but i didnt take them to rid myself of cals. I took them because i wanted a clean body for the beginning week. However i always take at least double the dose recommended to make sure its all out, so i knew what to expect.
But when it got to 4am i thought to myself that my body must have gotten used to the high dosage because i had waited up for quite a few hours in expectance of pains and poos, but nothing! So i was just settling down to sleep when the pains kicked in. So for the next hour i was curled up against the pains, then rushing to the loo! Luckily it didnt last too long, and finally about 5.00am i managed to get to sleep!
....*RING RING RING!* I wake up to my alarm clock buzing in my ear after only 3 hours sleep! What crap! I got ready for work, really dying for someone to phone and say it was a mistake and i didnt need to come in. But no call came! So i marched my way to work and endured the 9 hours of frozen food hell until 6pm when i left.
Lunch had pretty much been as usual - a pepsi max bottle and a shape yoghurt. When i run out of yoghurt, i think im gonna take jelly there instead because thats so low in cal and more tastier than yoghurt! The only other piece of important info that happened at work was that we planned the place and time for the christmas dinner. I soooo dont want to go but theres only 5 of us and ive already okayed it because they would have changed the date for me if i'd said i couldnt come. I looked at the menu and its all fatty stuff, and the biggest problem is that for christmas work dinners you are supposed to have a christmas dinner not salad! panic! oh well! i have a few weeks before then and i will do some research into the pub menu and see what i can sort out.
After work i came home and cooked tea with mum. I opted for my soup today and mum said would i have a slice of pizza with them if it didnt have salami ontop. I said no (trying to say it as if i didnt fancy it) and i think she was a bit annoyed. Then she said in a sarcastic tone that she supposes i'll be having my soup then. I didnt say anything.
Tea was ok though and i didnt have any pudding. I came upstairs and was ok until around 8-ish so i allowed myself a jelly if i promised i wouldnt binge. So far so good - straight after this blog its scales then bed so i dont fall to temptation! Thats about it for today.
I'm sorry i didnt do the calorie / exercise tables for yesterday! I forgot amoungst all the other numbers flying around my head! lol. Never mind - it will have to start from today:
CALORIE SECTION:
MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CALS
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
shape yoghurt 75kcal
Tea
winter veg soup 166kcal
Snack
no sugar jelly 9kcal
Drinks
can pepsi max 1kcal
bottle of pepsi max 1.5kcal
1Xfruit tea 2kcal
TOTAL CAL INTAKE 254.5KCAL
EXERCISE SECTION:
EXERCISE CALS BURNED
30 mins walk to work, brisk 100kcals
TOTAL EXERCISE CAL BURN 100KCAL
Right, im off now! time to weigh and snooze!
x Poppy x
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