Well, it seems im telling you alot of excuses for things that you havent even read about yet! So really i ought to start with my day.
As you remember, i left it yesterday with the whiff of a spin class hanging in the air. But as i went to bed so late last night, that if i had gotten up for the class i would have only had 3 1/2 hours sleep. I remember mum telling me more than once how long we had until the class but eventually she left and i fell back to sleep.
Next thing i know im getting up at 12.30 midday! I hear my mum come in from wherever she had been, so to avoid an argument i quickly get dressed and begin on finishing the placecards. After a little while i go downstairs, and realise my uncle (who is visiting for 2 days) has popped in to visit. We sit downstairs for a while and chat, then by the time he left it was almost 3pm and we made our way to the city to get a few bits and do shopping.
When we arrived mum and my stepdad said they were starving so they would go off and eat. Luckily, they mentioned nothing about the fact i hadnt eaten so far that day - phew! I really wanted to shrug off my sister so that i could covertly get a sandwich, to use the wrapper to convince the folks ive had lunch, therefore avoiding any complications with tea later! Its all complicated stuff! lol. Unfortunately i was not so lucky and she decided to tag along with me.
Now, stupidly enough, for the last few days ive steared clear of eating the wispa bar and didnt touch it despite my cravings. There was some terry chocolate orange which is limited edition this christmas and i figured if i got it i wouldnt have to worry about it, and it would be another test of my self-will. I bought 2 and my sister got one because they were on a deal.
Then we did a bit more shopping, including an awkward changing room session for a bra for the bridesmaids dress. I hated my mum looking at me when i didnt have my clothes on. i was so flabby and yuck! We eventually made our way back to the car and headed for the supermarket to do some food shopping.
I actually didnt need to get alot of things this week as the whole fridge is currently backed up with alot of my veg! lol. I almost got away with not getting anything bad in the supermarket, but i remembered there was a chocolate there that i loved and you cannot get it anywhere else. I was still in the frame of mind that i could save it, but given i was going from avoiding one small chocolate bar, to alot more temptation, i should have known it would lead to no good.
When we were in the car, i could feel my stomach starting the conga and i was just glad we would be eating asap when we got home then that would be over and the pain could lessen for a bit. But only 5 minutes into preparing the veggie stirfry i was going to have, and my uncle called saying could he come over. So we had to postpone making the tea for another 40 minutes while he drove over and then they chatted for a while. By the time i was allowed to start cooking my tea i was ravenous and was really hurting. I was worried i was going to binge because i had left my hunger pangs to long, and its really wasnt a good choice of day today for buying choc, when im restricting more heavily than usual!
I had my tea thensat through anther two courses of desert and cheese. Each time i refused them politely, inside just dying to have some. Eventually when my mum brought out the chocolate box i broke and ate 5. First i ate 3, then excused myself to go to the loo, where i promptly threw them back up. Then i had another 2, before leaving again to purge. After that it seemed free-rein, and i scoffed all the rest of that food. Each time i had some i took a gap in-between to bring it back up and made sure it was all out. Some of my tea was expelled too, but i will still count it.
I have just weighed myself, and i havent changed since this morning, so im hoping tomorrow wont hit me too bad and i will, at least, not change in weight. We shall see... But i refuse to call this a setback or downfall into a binge, because tomorrow i am going to go back to restricting again and continue as before because until tonight i was feeling really positive about myself.
Here's my CALORIE SECTION:
(God i fancy some mustard!)
MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
Nothing 0kcal
Tea
veggie stir fry 20kcal
cabbage & peppers 20kcal
Snack
Nothing 0kcal
Drinks
2x lilt zero can 22kcal
1x pepsi max can 1kcal
3x glasses of water 0kcal
TOTAL CAL INTAKE 63KCAL
Foods i binged / purged today:
o 2 x terry's white chocolate oranges
o 2 x kschocolat chocolate bars (large)
o wispa bar
o 5 x thorntons chocolates
ALL PURGED
EXERCISE SECTION:
Empty once again, this is getting poor!
End of another day, and i will just have to get back on the horse!
Poppy xXxXx
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