For those of you who can't decide whether my cartoon me is doing a victory dance or waving for help. Either that or I'm in an advert for a Dove commercial! lol. Then let me tell you - its a victory dance!!!!
I have managed to eat nada today! and for those of you who dont speak the language of the obscure then let me clear that up: NOTHING!
Im so chuffed with myself and i know im probably over reacting. Those of you who go on fasts are probably muttering under your breath 'am i missing something or did she just say one day?'. lol. But alas i am celebrating today because im not chancing my luck. Tomorrow will probably be a shit day and it'll all go to pot so im celebrating now! Just watch out for the depressing blog tomorrow night! lol
So - deatils, details! Well, i was awake late the night before so didnt get up until around 1.30pm today. On one hand, this worked out well because i had to be up for when my family arrived back with guests for drinks. However, it meant i had missed going to the carvery with my family.
You may be thinking, 'hey! thats a good thing!' and i was - that was why i didnt go, because i could be asleep and not be concious enough for it to bother me when they said bye. But i know my mum wanted me to go with them. I am finally discovering the horrible side to this: uber amounts of guilt and withdrawal from my family.
I would have really loved to go with them and my mum had desperately tried to persuade me that there was soup on the menu. But i knew i would be worried about the soup, even , because restaurant ones still have loads of cals and mum would have suspected something if id gone for the salad.
Anyway, so that was that! This afternoon ive been doing this and that, mostly this (i.e. interneting! lol). Im also already halfway through Marya Hornbacher's memoir - 'Wasted'. I only began on Friday! Just to cover myself in case mum asked me what id had for lunch i threw away some pate and chucked a roll and stashed a packet of crisps in my room. She did ask and i was covered.
The hardest point came in the afternoon when, because guests were over, so came the delicious cakes! Two cakes were left on the kitchen surface just asking to be eaten and no one would have be surprised if i had had a slice as they all had. But i refrained and it sucked big time.
My mum and stepdad went out for the evening and i had another argument with my sister so i didnt see her for the afternoon. I came back on the internet. Sometimes i think she can see straight through me and into what im actually up to. Its certain looks she gives me, and she always appears as though she is upset with me. Not angry, or trying to correct me, just sad.
When i heard them come back from their walk at 9.30pm i took a chance and hoped that as it was late they wouldnt want tea. To be on the safe side and avoid it, i quickly got under my covers and pretended to be sleeping. This usually happens as it is so there wouldnt be much surprise.
Mum said it was a bit early for me to be sleeping but never mind. As long as i came down and said goodnight to them while they had tea. Damn!
I went downstairs and it was painful to see the food. They had crusty bread, cheeses, grapes and cake. It was so hard not to scoff the butter and cheese but i stood away. They said did i want anything and i said not. They also asked about the cake and i could see suspicion arising if i had said no, so i just said could they leave me a piece for lunch tomorrow. This means i can then throw it when they are out.
So finally i have been on the website updating it a bit for hours! This is the finishing touch - so you punks better enjoy it, cos im starving and tired here! lol
Heres my calorie intake:
'dum de dum de dum!' - im humming! lol
MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
Nothing 0kcal
Tea
Nothing 0kcal
Snacks
2 x pepsi max 0kcal
1/2 a stick of gum 2.5kcal
TOTAL 2.5KCAL
YAY! im really chuffed!
anyways, thats pretty much all for my blog today!
Lastly though, i have just spent the last like 6/7 hours setting up a POLL. It could be really interesting if enough people get involved, and its not the boring 'what is your eating disorder?' poll either! I decided to find out what ana and mia would look like if they were real people.
So many people describe them as enemies and best friends. Even their abbrieviations Ana and Mia suggest people. Basically all you have to do is visualise what your ED (either Ana or Mia) looks like. What would they look like in human form? - i have left some examples in one of the new pages.
THIS IS IMPORTANT - PLEASE DO THE POLL AND GET OTHERS INVOLVED. THE RESULT COULD BE REALLY INTERESTING!
Right, really knackered now and stomach doing the twist!
* Poppy *
btw. thanks for the response lily! it really helped what you said about the binge - im just on tenterhooks until this tuesday for weighing! Hope you are doing well. please let me know.
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What nourishes me, also destroys me ? translated from Latin
Quod me nutrit, me destruit
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