There's a party in my tummy and i feel like the stuff you do in the toilet

You know i was hoping it wasn't going to be today. But today has been utterly and terribly crap. Im talking major C.R.A.P do-dos. I think part is my mood. I've stopped taking my anti-depressants for two months now and i think im starting to get low again. Bummer! I know that everyone will have their 'off' days but i just really needed to be strong.


The fact todays been shit isnt to do so much with me, as my family (again! lol). I got up today late as usual but that suited me. It was around 2-ish when my sister said are we having lunch then? This wasnt a huge disaster - although i hate having lunch now because you've used up half your calories even before the evening meal arrives. Luckily i had thought it through. I had a weight watchers soup (67kcal for the entire can), i threw 3/4 of it away and just ate the rest.

So that was ok. But then i knew in order to get my sister out of the 'red zone' for lunchtime i needed to eat a pudding. I decided if i ate some ice cream i could excuse myself and bring it back up in the toilet straight after therefore avoiding any calorie intake. But...when i went to the bathroom to be sick i only had a minute before my sister came up and i had to go back downstairs with her.

Now, at this point i felt desperate for exercise. I really wanted to go to the gym and get rid of it but we had planned a bike ride today and my sister kept saying 'your not planning on going to the gym are you??! its a bit much'. She can be a bit of a bully. In the end we went for a short 30 minute bike ride which at least burnt something off but it still didnt feel as though anything had shifted and i knew tea was only right round the corner.

Tea comes and mum moans at me in a pre-tea talk. She said 'you'd better eat something this time!'. Then when i said i didnt want any rice she gave an almighty huff and at the table said 'you need your carbohydrates!'. I felt like saying 'Piss off! They didnt do me any good!'.

Luckily following this i pretended to be calm and just said that i hate feeling full, especially in the evenings. Mum then said that perhaps i could start to eat a larger meal in the afternoons and have a snack in the evenings. I pretended to agree and said perhaps i could have my carbs then like a roll with soup. I wont really do this but if no one os around to check me i can lay out dirty plates and throw food away so it seems i have eaten then only have a snack in the afternoons.

The bad news though is that my sister does not go back to college until next tues! so this may be a very bad week for me guys!

On the up side, when i told mum what my sister had said about me and the gym, she said to just go anyway. So i have the all clear for that!

Tomorrow, mum said she will pick me up and we can go to the gym for an hour after her work. Also my sister is going to meet mum during the day and leaving the house. This means i can go to the gym twice tomorrow! Once in the early afternoon around midday, and again late afternoon around 5. So i can burn off calories for today and the day i will be exercising. My sister not being around also means i can skip lunch! bonus!

Here are my calories for the day (appauling) then im off:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
nothing 0kcal

Lunch
3/4 of weight watchers soup 52kcal
a bowl of ice cream  P & Rtd 160kcal

Tea
beef and peppers stir fry 200kcal

Snack
diet coke 5kcal
4 pieces of gum 20kcal

TOTAL 437kcal

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

30 minutes of moderate biking 234kcal
TOTAL (Minus exercise) 253kcal
So it doesnt work out too bad - but as all of you know from experience, just because you may have done ok calorie-wise doesnt mean you feel good. Its like theres a niggling feeling inside you somewhere telling you its still sitting there and you will do anything to get rid of it.

So tomorrow is all action stations go!

Nite nite,

Poppy xx