*Sigh*
Well...im in a slighly procrastinating mood today. It seems i have developed a pattern of one day with a mini binge (around 500kcal) and following it with a day of very little.
I am really unhappy about this as it means that i am not showing strength of will against the bad foods that i will eventually give up. Its really infuriating!
Also im going to start to get into the habit of keeping my food calories seperate from my exercise calories. the problem is i tend to take liberties with food when i know that i have extra exercise calories to play with. If i dont deduct my exercise from food, it may mean i get a stronger grip on my food eating habits.
This starts tomorrow, which should be a good day for it. I am at work from 9am and,as we have stock-take, will be there till 7.30pm. After that i will go to the gym and thus by the time i get home it will be 9pm and too late to have tea. Although i suspect they will still get me to have some.
Anyway, so if your following, in the pattern i mentioned above, today happens to be 'mini binge' day. I will admit that i dont binge like i used to when i was being sick all the time. I only make myself if i can really feel it in my throat, otherwise i exercise it off.
Unfortunately, i had gone to sleep really late the night before so i wasnt able to make an aerobics class i had been considering going to. In fact, i didnt get up until around 1pm. However, this was not a huge problem as it meant i had missed those crunching stomach pains as you have to go through breakfast and lunch with nothing.
I sprinkled some rice cracker on a plate and told my sister when she came down i had had lunch already. I was really annoyed there were no other classes on at the leisure centre that i could go to throughout the day, but i had missed my chance earlier on.
The afternoon went on and my sister had an idea we could spend some quality TV watching time together. So it passed quickly without exercise and by the time my mum got home i was antsy to get going.
I rode up to the gym and exercised for an hour before cycling back. I also signed myself up for boxercise classes when they start! Yay! another class, time goes alot quicker in classes!
Back home i was starving and when i put my soup in to cook, i found my fingers itching their way around the kitchen. Cue the 'mini binge'. This is where the bulimic side of me comes in. If you read personality traits about bulimics, it is said that they are more spontaneous and do things in extremes. When i was in the kitchen i felt my bulimic switch click on. I ate a small weight watchers cake and then i thought 'well now ive started i might as well carry on a bit!'. I ate a cake bar and 2 lollies as well. I am thoroughly ashamed of myself. I wish i could bottle up my feelings now of how i feel about my binge then uncork them when i feel like eating crap foods.
I had my soup with my sister watching. Afterwards i couldnt stand the idea of all that food and wanted to find some way to get rid of it. It was 10.30pm so it would be too late to go anywhere. My parents were still out for a bit. So i crept upstairs and got my skipping rope. Out in the garden i exercised and burned off a few extra calories, although i was interupted early on so didnt get very far. I also threw up a bit at the end of the garden.
So now im looking forward to tomorrow when i can work off this and punish myself for eating so rubbishly today.
calories:
MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL
Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal
Lunch
Nothing 0kcal
Tea
1/2 a soup 166kcal
Snack
'mini binge' 700kcal
EXERCISE CALS BURNED
1hr gym workout 450kcal
bike ride to and from gym 10 minutes each way 110kcal
skipping, slow 50kcal
TOTAL 266kcal
*From now on i will do two totals for my cals. One for exercise and one for food, but i will not deduct exercise cals from food because it just hinders me and encourages me to eat more*
So...im a little angry at myself for today, but i refuse to lose sight of the big picture and will battle through and counterbalance today with tomorrow. Hope you are all doing ok and are losing weight.
Must go now and snooze! Long day tomorrow!
x Poppy x
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