'Always look on the bright side of life' - weight loss and food probs... WEIGH IN DAY!!!!!

Long time, no speak! Well, not as long as some of the time ive had to take off but i havent meant to be absent this long today! This has kind of become two blogs rolled into one due to my pathetic tardy bloging! lol.


Where to begin?....hmmm....

How about my weight!? Just a topic i picked compeltely and utterly (cough cough) at random! lol

Well, if you remember, i had gained 6 pounds! (shock horror! gasp!) from my holiday and my target for the week was to lose those 6lbs so that the following week would be from scratch. Im proud to tell you that not only did i lose the 6lbs but i also overshot by 3lbs!!!! yay! However, that only means an total loss of 3lbs because of the fact that the rest was weight i had put on.

POUNDS GAINED OR LOST SINCE BACK FROM HOLS:

9LBS!

WEIGHT LOST (MEASURING FROM THE LOWEST WEIGHT SO FAR)

Lowest weight before this week - week before hols

3LBS

Im so chuffed - like a puffed out train! lol. Its given me great motivation. Its just a shame that it then had to be followed by birthday food and celebrations!

Tuesday 29th July:

So...the dreaded but much awaited for day arrives. The happy but incredibly crap day rolled into one like some foul tasting wrap! I got up in the morning for work and only caught the end line of 'happy birthday' to my sister. Work was pretty much as it always was and i plodded along, neatly shuffling past the samples waiting to go home.

At 12 midday my mum came around to collect the lasagnes for the party that evening and, given that it was on my discount, i went to pay for them. My card was rejected!!! I was gutted so i had to call the bank, really fearful someone had gotten into my account. Luckily it wasnt that, but they said they'd sent me a new card in June so i should have received it! Im just waiting for a new card now so am now falling upon the mercy of others!

After i finished work, there was no time to go to the gym (apparently, i swear i could have got at least 30 mins in and a shower before anyone arrived! poo!). I went home and we all watched my sister open her presents. There was only a small crowd for tea so i didnt feel to overwhelmed to eat. Usually if its big crowds i dont like to eat in front of them.

I almost cried out when they served the lasagne out rather than let everyone get their own. I sat inside with my grandma as there were no more places outside. I liked it that way, away from alot of people while eating. I just felt fat if i ate in front of others. For pudding two MAHOOSIVE boxes of doughnuts were bought out. It was like i wanted them all, but at the same time i didnt want any. I kept remembering the line in my head from one of the motivational food quotes (on the photo page) - 'trans fats can stay in your body for up to a year'. It made me sick. One doughnut was placed on my plate, then another. There had been all these charts planned out and methods and now it felt so jumbled, out of control and like i was floating with no solid ground. I didnt know whether to continue floating or find the floor quick.

I was stuck in that decision rut for the rest of the evening. I was between leaving any more food alone and enjoying as much as possible. This is the only problem coming from mia to ana - you have two different personality types in your head both arguing that you should do what they say. Its infuriating. The bulimic part of you, when it tastes the fatty sweetness, wants to binge then purge (even if it partly knows the purging cannot occur). The anorexic side of you, on the other hand, wants to run away, to scream, to wash your hands clean of that food you almost touched.

My sisters surprise present came later - it was a car! We stood outside and admired it for about 20 minutes! I was so happy for her, now she can learn to drive!

Only cake to go then! We sang the song and then when the cake was starting to be cut i got jittery. I had only wanted half a piece and now didnt think i wanted any at all - i felt so fat! correction: i was, am, so fat! A piece was handed to me and i stared around the room at people tucking into theirs. A friend of the family was over in the corner and was joking about the calories in the cake saying to his mother-in-law - 'oh! i better relieve you fo that. it would only be a favour because its so bad and full of calories!'. He had only wanted the bit of cake and it was a joke - but for me if really hit home. I looked at my sad bit of cake and peeled off the tiniest bit of icing. Then i put it down and slipped out of the room.

I curled on one of the steps of the stairs quietely and no one bothered me for 5 minutes. It was a horrible thought that i had eaten all that stuff. And he was right- ALL THOSE CALORIES! - his words had brought me out of a daze to realise the harsh trut of the food i was looking at. I felt like crying. After calming down a little, i became desperate to know what my weight was - had it gone up or down since i ate that last doughnut? How much had it cost me?. I sneaked into the bathroom and i had gained 1lb. It still stang. I heard a knocking at the door and my sister wanted to come in that moment. I had no where to hide my scales, and if she saw those she'd know for definite. I pushed them behind something, i still think she saw them though.

Back downstairs, i stood around listening to everyone chatter. It was like i was removed from the conversation, or maybe i removed myself from the conversation. After all, i did slide further and further into the kitchen portion of the room till i was almost hidden by the freezer. My sister found me though - as she always does, and asked if i was ok. I lied to her and said yes.

When everyone had left, its pretty much a dull tale. You know the drill? Clean up and go to bed! I was so exhausted that i found it hard to keep my eyes open. In fact, i am tonight as well!

OMG! i cannot be becoming an early bird! noo! im always a night owl! At least it would mean i could get more exercise in though!

btw. for this day im not going to write down calories, because if i do i might as well slit my wrists now and have done with it. Its best i use it as motivation to work off those lazy fat globules!

Wednesday 30th July:

Another day dawns, time for the cleanup - in more ways than one!

I say, another day dawns, this may be factually accurate but i was not awake to see the dawn. Nor was i awake to see midday actually! I got up at 1pm. A little late, i'll grant you, and i had now missed the post but it was nice to have a lay in.

Today has been a day of not much. My sister and i have spent quality time in her car, just listening to music. I have been trying to get my site caloriebible.com filled up asap, although it will still take me a while. It has taken me alot of the day, until my mum came back to fill in M-O of the fruit and veg section, get a search box (which i now find cannot work yet) and pin down when to start the dairy page.

However, when mum did come back it was time for action, lots of it because we were going to an intensive aerobics session. It was really good today and i actually enjoyed it! One of the best exercises is aerobics so i strongly recommend it! I have told my godmother that i will be at the aerobics tomorrow morning so now i cant back out. Its just a failsafe way of making sure i actually do go!

When we came back my family had tea and said i really should have something. I didnt feel like eating but knew that they didnt know that and my stepdad probably noticed i hadnt touched much at all earlier on. I settled for an easy salad. When they got up from the table to wash up i felt really annoyed because if im not eating so they can see it then i dont want to eat. But i couldnt not because they were only a few paces away. I finished most of it.

So, now i upstairs and really ready to get to bed because the more sleep i get now the less tired i'll be for aerobics tomorrow!

CALORIE SECTION:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CALS

Breakfast
Nothing 0KCAL

Lunch
Nothing 0KCAL

Tea
House salad 20KCAL

Snacks
Nothing 0KCAL

CAL FOOD TOTAL 20KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

1hr hard aerobics, high burn 600kcal

CAL EXERCISE TOTAL 600KCAL

PS: ooo! I deicided to try on some of my pyjamas that had been sitting in a box since i arrived back from bath. Many of them i had stopped wearing because they had gotten too tight. The two pairs i picked out fit nicely now! I fact, the ones ive got on now used to be SUPER tight now i can breather deeply in and now streach the fabric at all! yay!

PSPS: I have received a message from blackrose who let me know about prettythin and i checked it out myself. It is indeed true and upsetting. That site has been there ever since i started visiting these sites. I am surprised they kept it up that long before freezing it though, as its easy to find. It would be nice to know how they condone freezing it, then we could avoid it! lol.

On the subject of this site freezing, i sincerely, with all my heart, hope that doesnt happen because of all the work, not only me, but you have put into it. I am paid up for a year so it is possible they wont want to freeze it due to my payment, im not sure. In the eventuality of this site freezing though, i will not be going. I have another site which, although not made to be a ana&mia site (its my accompaniment site to beautyisbones) i will temporarily move over to, the link is below. Just thought you'd like to know, in case!

www.freewebs.com/caloriebible

Must buzz now

*X Poppy X

zzz....brain battery has gone flat - in dire need of charging!

Heya.


Im reli tired and almost dropped off in front of the computer a second ago. I wil write my blog tomorrow.

Sorry about the delay - but i reli am about the drop off!

Love Poppy xoxo

'I can go the distance. I will find my way, if i can be strong.' - Go the Distance

NOTE ON TITLE: Despite the slight pessimism you may feel when you hear that the lyrics of my title above are from Hercules the Disney movie, the song has very good 'stay strong' lyrics, apart from the occasional line of 'in your arms'! I'll post the lyrics at the bottom.


Oh Yes! Another sucessful day and another gruelling workout! lol. Today, as predicted has gone very well - im only one night away from knowing my weight for the week.

For those of you that dont know, im going to weight myself on tuesday morning rather than evening, because in the afternoon there will be lots of food because its my sisters birthday!

I'll make this blog quite brief because its late and im working tomorrow (oh joy!) not to mention i have to write in my sisters card still! oops!

So, my ideal plan was to go gyming this morning but given the lateness i went to bed last night, i knew even then that it was out of the question. The only reason i woke up at 9am (painfully bleary eyed) is because an important parcel was supposed to arrive and we couldnt miss it. It was delivered and i went back to bed. I drifted in and out of sleep due to a high frequency of phone calls this morning. Eventually i got up at 12 midday.

It was definitely too late to go to the gym as i still had to make lots of phone calls regarding uni and finances. After a number of phone calls, one of which included me having to part with £100 (! ) i quick marched to the bus half an hour later than i had wanted to get there, then went off to the city where my mum works.

I spent the rest of the day tactfully avoiding those aisles which had food in them. Although i did have to buy some chocolate for my sister, and was quite proud that i avoided the pitfall of buy some myself. In fact, today has been super. I managed to find exaclty what i wanted in town and more without any problems. After finishing shopping for my sisters birthday prezzies, i walked to meet my mum. On the way home she mentioned what i had done today and i carefully slipped into my events of the day that i had picked up a wrap and eaten it in the park.

Back home, there was no time for dilly-dalllying and we went off to circuit training (yes!). It was a hard workout, though i found it easier than last time i did it. 600kcal in the exercise kitty! I now prepared my speech for tea and mention i would have my soup otherwise it would go off (it wouldnt but its a good excuse).

However, when we got home i said id have tea after a shower but we talked so much i sat with my parents while they ate, only sipping on a pepsi max. After my shower, i decided to avoid those crippling stomach pains for the night, as it would only make me want to binge, and i had the other half a soup.

Now im up in my room, and about to write in my sisters card and go to bed. Its been a long day and im looking forward to tomorrow to see my sisters face because my family got her a car!! lol.

CAL SECTION:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
1/2 a covent garden soup 155kcal

Snacks
Nothing 0kcal

CAL FOOD TOTAL 155KCAL


EXERCISE CALS BURNED

1 hour hard workout circuit training 600kcal

CAL EXERCISE TOTAL 600KCAL

EMILY AND RUBY: i probably wont get round to replying to your messages tomorrow (due to sisters birthday celebrations) but will try to answer in the next few days. Stay strong girls!

Please wish me luck and pray for me girlies, as tomorrow is party food galore including a sit down dinner of lasagne and cake! aaahhhh!

Im going to dose off now, so au reviour for now filles!

Poppy xx @-'-,--


GO THE DISTANCE LYRICS:

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though the road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It may take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star
I can go the distance
I will search the world
I will face its harms
I don't care how far
I can go the distance
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...
I will search the world
I will face its harms
TillI find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms...

Puffed out and chuffed proud with exercise - and the beat goes on with food...!

<-- Check me out! Or perhaps, as you have guessed, not me but see see what i have been doing today!!


Oh yes! Im puffed out and chuffed proud after my first run in ages! I thought i did quite well at it as well so i give myself bonus points! hehe.

Sundays are always the worst days. No where is open to exercise and everyone is having big family meals. Well...we have the Sunday Roast here in England, so thats what its like here. Big meals on Sunday.

I had such a task getting myself out of bed today. Not only had i had lack of sleep from the night before, but it was also swealtering hot outside. Perhaps, im sure you would agree, not the best day to begin my running! lol. However i got up finally and was ready when the bell went.

Oh yes! Im not a loner - i had arranged to go with my godmother who has been running for years but due to a bad knee meant she cannot exert herself too much. This meant we would both be running at about the same speed and ideal running partners.

So we set off and it was particularly nice run. I wont go into detail and explain where we went because there would be no point. But, despite the hot weather and pain of it, i enjoyed it. We didnt run too fast, and ran in 5 minutes intervals to begin with, then increased running time and reduced walking time. We were out 50 minutes.

I will say now - that run made me feel better than alot of the other activities i have done so far. Although i only burnt 380kcal, in comparison to the 600kcal i burn in circuit training.

Afterward, i ploughed on forward and had a shower, changed my sheets, did the hoovering and polishing. I lay on my bed around 12.30 and found myself nodding off. I find that its easier for me to have a sleep in the middle of the day than it is for me to sleep at night! I woke up around 2.30pm although i still felt tired and drained.

For the rest of the afternoon, i read some of 'Perfect' (am almost at the end of it) and went on the internet to check out this site. Towards 5pm, my sister's friends came around for her pre-birthday celebration of movie and sleepover. Her birthday is on Tuesday - a daunting prospect to say the least! I tipped half a soup away for lunch to give the impression i'd eaten it for lunch.

At little further on around 6pm, tea for the three girls was served - pizza and dough balls. My mum offered if i wanted to go down and have some with them - i declined. When they went down, i flicked through my calorie book until i had found the calories for the dough balls and pizza, then i felt safe enough to go downstairs. It wasnt as if i was going to have any, but at least i knew - it was like a safety net.

I was offered pizza and doughballs more than once and declined politely each time. Eventually food was binned and plates put away. They then all vacated the house - my sister and her friends would go see the movie, and my parents would go have a meal out. I was left alone.

Immediately i fancied, not soup, but warm cheesy pasta. I tried to convince myself out of it and eventually managed to. But rather than do this by running out of the kitchen, i went from one cupboard to another. i eventually calmed myself down and picked up a black cherry yoghurt for 50kcals, and one oatcake for 45kcals. The oatcake was no problem, it was only when i was trying to eat my frozen yoghurt (which was SOLID!) that i gave up. I dumped it in the bin and grabbed an ice cream from the freezer. Then i, in a mad frezy, ate another lolly, and another then a cake bar. All this stuff should be BANNED from the house, or at least have a lock on it!!

I purged enough to constitute one lolly but my stomach seemed to be clinging on for dear life to the food i had just swallowed. I took four diet fat-burning pills and wallowed in my guilt until i got a phone call.

My friend said did i want to meet up. I had planned to for that evening so i agreed to meet up. I would have loved (perhaps thats not the right word) to sit there and continue to purge till i had got more out but i didnt. We met up and spent the rest of the eveninig watching films. At least it kept me out of the way of food. I was grateful for that.

Finally now i have spent the evening on the beautyisbones forum, which i am proud to say, has been busy today and following with support and advice! Thanks to all of you came on today - its been really fun and i hope to see you again!

I am looking forward to tomorrow as i am planning two lots of exercise. One gym session in the morning, and then my second circuit training session at 7-8pm (oh joy! here i come achingly-painful thighs!). I will also be preoccupied tomorrow as i have many phone calls to make and am going to see mum at work. And, if my pattern prediction is correct, tomorrow should be my restricted day. Today has been my mini binge day.

Before i write to lily, i will just conclude today for me, with my tables:

CAL SECTION:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
Nothing 0kcal

Snack
*mini binge* 639kcal

CAL FOOD TOTAL 639KCAL

What can i say about that other than i am disgusted with it. Its 339kcal over what i should have had, so i will try to fix it over the next few days by reducing my cal intake so as to level it out.

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

Running slowly, 50 mins, slight resistance 380kcal

walking, 20 minutes 50kcal

TOTAL 430KCAL


Right, now onto a little note for Lily and any one else who might find this useful. There can be many reasons why you feel faint, and none of these things may be able to prevent it, even if you do try them, but its worth a shot. What we are doing is not normal, and the body's response may be to shut down for a second, but i will try to help you prevent this from happening if possible.

I trawled the internet to find reasons for fainting and what foods to prevent it. If you are feeling weak, it may suggest a low amount of iron in your blood which means that you are getting a lack of oxygen to the brain. This can lead to feeling weak, tired, and headaches, to list a few.

Here are a few foods which can help increase your iron levels (items with asterisks next to them cant be eaten by vegetarians):

Eggs - especially the yolk

Oily fish e.g. tuna, sardines, pilchards, cockles and mussels*

Kidney, liver, heart *

Lamb, game, beef *

Black pudding, corned beef, faggots *

Oxo, Bovril

Wholemeal bread and flour

Iron-fortified cereals - Bran, Branflakes, Weetabix

Beans and pulses e.g. lentils, chick peas, haricot, kidney, pinto, baked, butter, peas

Nuts - almonds, cashews, Brazils, walnuts

Dried fruit - apricots, figs, dates

Green vegetables - watercress, spinach

If you prefer the easy route, you can take iron pills. For fainting, some people suggest salt pills but given that ana and mia's potassuim levels are always a but wavery, its not recommended. Also, it could be due to a potassuim low, or a dip in your blood sugar the easiest soloution?:

One small banana - 90kcal


sorts out both problems in one fruit!

I hope this helps you Lily, let me know.

Must go know, time to sleep!

*X*!* Poppy *!*X*

NO LONGER TETHERED, HEIGHTENED AND FEATHERED, I WANT TO FLY! (Sorry - random!)

Today has been a better day people!! I have begun disincluding my exercise calories from my food calories, and guess what??


......................................

I still managed to stay under 300kcal!

It was hard and i have had to tackle more obstacles than usua; today, but i did it! I know its only a mole hill on the journey of climbing a mountain, but i still feel proud of todays achievement!

Today was a relatively simple day. I knew i would be at work for most of it so would have no problems with distraction or 'fitting things in'. I also knew i would do one gym session later in the day - there was no option of anything else because there were no aerobics classes today and it was too late to go to the pool. This was, in retrospect, the best day, then, to start the new number crunching system.

Getting up at 7.30am (yep! ouch!) was just yucky, because i had only had 4 hours sleep the night before, and very little energy. I was planning on walking to work and wanted enough time so that i got there early for my job review. My mum came into my room and by the time we had talked it was late and she gave me a lift to work.

The talk i had with mum was nothing significant, i cant even remember what it was about. But my mind kept drifting over to the spot where, a night ago, i had pulled back my sheets to reveal a gap between my bed and the wall, and discovered all my binge food wrappers had been cleared away. Not only that, but my negative calorie foods book i bought was lying on my sheets! I keep feeling as though she is storing it all up like a human vesuvius and one of these days the scales of deduction will tip, she will figure out whats going on with me and blow her top! But in many ways i think she subtly knows but i reserving comment and standing back to see how bad it gets.

So, i go to work and have a crap time at it. My boss chats on the phone while i clean the freezers, she then turns to me and says 'hurry up! You're taking forever!'. The cheek! Anyway, enough of that. Work was work and thats the end of it.

The only other thing i will mention about it is that this was where i first encountered food probs. My boss bought a pack of cheese straws and said you better have some otherwise i'll eat them all. It was more an order than a question. I knew if she deliberately saw me take none she would ask why and her big mouth would not be able to let go of it (sorry - im bitter about her atm if you havent guessed! lol). She turned her back for 5 minutes and i made sure to avoid them in that time. When she turned back and asked if i'd had any, i said i'd had two. Thus she did not bother me.

For lunch i ate nothing and sat on the wall outside. That is how i overcame my first hurdle! Yay!

God! I ought to break this blog up into chapters its so long! lol.

After work i declined a lift up to the gym and walked there. More exercise i thought! Up there it was dead and i was the only one in there - heaven! I even streached myself to a fast run for a few minutes on the treadmill but slowed down after that and took it at intervals.

My outlook towards tea this evening had been bright, as there was some uncertainty about when they were going to have it, and given the lateness of my return i had hoped to avoi eating it, and sup on half a soup. Unfortunately not the case...

On my way back i phoned to annouce my return (!) and was told that there was too much beef so to eat with the rest of the family would be preferable. I didnt huff my disappointment down the end of the phone and just agreed. You may be wondering why i agreed so easily? It was because the tea was a weight watchers recipe consisting of 3/4 carrots and peppers, some beef strips and a little splash of soy sauce. It added up to just over 200kcal - not as threatening as if i had come home to cooking pizzas or anything!

For tea i enjoyed a small controlled portion of the sesame beef (as its called), and refrained from the rice as always! It was quite enjoyable though i always worry that things that taste stronger have more calories in them. I get the immense urge to spit them out and the beef was quite strong i was sure it was loaded. So i looked at the packet and it was not.

Then came pudding. This was the surprise that jumped unexpectedly out at me. My parents had bought a apple and blackberry pie! nooo! I was asked if i wanted a piece and immediately imagined the soft pastry melting into the sugary apples. I dithered between want and restraint. Instead i settled with 'im not sure. perhaps i could have a plate and will decide in a bit'. When i relocated back to my seat in the garden where the pie had been dished out, a plate with a quarter slice of pie had been pushed in front of my seat.

I sat there looking at it and when asked if i wanted it i said 'nah. actually im ok. i dont like this pie that much, its too crunchy'. God - it was painful to watch my family eat theirs and have my own steaming away in front of me. Eventually i was relieved of the burden of having to state at it, as my mum and sister shared it out. Tea was finally over!

Now ive been on here for a few hours and also have some eventful news about this site which i want you to spread high and low:

!!NEW TO THE SITE!!

Instant messaging forum - The Shoutbox!

It means you can talk to anyone else INSTANTLY on there at the time and share tips and motivation on how to over come difficulties you may be facing.

Please give it a try and get the conversation rolling!

So, its pretty much just time for the round up kids! Here goes (remember its now in a new cal / exersize format):

CAL SECTION:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
small port. of ww sesame beef 220kcal

Snack
Nothing 0kcal

CAL FOOD TOTAL 220KCAL

EXERCISE CAL BURNED

1hr in the gym, hard workout 520kcal

walk from work 50kcal

CAL EXERCISE TOTAL 570KCAL

Right, just time to wrap up now! Running at 10am tomorrow! Me running - its almost an impossible thought and yet im going to do it! lol. Crazy!

ThAtS aLl FoLkS!

x + pOpPy - x

Today was frustrating, but tomorrow is another day! I will suceed!! I must...

*Sigh*


Well...im in a slighly procrastinating mood today. It seems i have developed a pattern of one day with a mini binge (around 500kcal) and following it with a day of very little.

I am really unhappy about this as it means that i am not showing strength of will against the bad foods that i will eventually give up. Its really infuriating!

Also im going to start to get into the habit of keeping my food calories seperate from my exercise calories. the problem is i tend to take liberties with food when i know that i have extra exercise calories to play with. If i dont deduct my exercise from food, it may mean i get a stronger grip on my food eating habits.

This starts tomorrow, which should be a good day for it. I am at work from 9am and,as we have stock-take, will be there till 7.30pm. After that i will go to the gym and thus by the time i get home it will be 9pm and too late to have tea. Although i suspect they will still get me to have some.

Anyway, so if your following, in the pattern i mentioned above, today happens to be 'mini binge' day. I will admit that i dont binge like i used to when i was being sick all the time. I only make myself if i can really feel it in my throat, otherwise i exercise it off.

Unfortunately, i had gone to sleep really late the night before so i wasnt able to make an aerobics class i had been considering going to. In fact, i didnt get up until around 1pm. However, this was not a huge problem as it meant i had missed those crunching stomach pains as you have to go through breakfast and lunch with nothing.

I sprinkled some rice cracker on a plate and told my sister when she came down i had had lunch already. I was really annoyed there were no other classes on at the leisure centre that i could go to throughout the day, but i had missed my chance earlier on.

The afternoon went on and my sister had an idea we could spend some quality TV watching time together. So it passed quickly without exercise and by the time my mum got home i was antsy to get going.

I rode up to the gym and exercised for an hour before cycling back. I also signed myself up for boxercise classes when they start! Yay! another class, time goes alot quicker in classes!

Back home i was starving and when i put my soup in to cook, i found my fingers itching their way around the kitchen. Cue the 'mini binge'. This is where the bulimic side of me comes in. If you read personality traits about bulimics, it is said that they are more spontaneous and do things in extremes. When i was in the kitchen i felt my bulimic switch click on. I ate a small weight watchers cake and then i thought 'well now ive started i might as well carry on a bit!'. I ate a cake bar and 2 lollies as well. I am thoroughly ashamed of myself. I wish i could bottle up my feelings now of how i feel about my binge then uncork them when i feel like eating crap foods.

I had my soup with my sister watching. Afterwards i couldnt stand the idea of all that food and wanted to find some way to get rid of it. It was 10.30pm so it would be too late to go anywhere. My parents were still out for a bit. So i crept upstairs and got my skipping rope. Out in the garden i exercised and burned off a few extra calories, although i was interupted early on so didnt get very far. I also threw up a bit at the end of the garden.

So now im looking forward to tomorrow when i can work off this and punish myself for eating so rubbishly today.

calories:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
1/2 a soup 166kcal

Snack
'mini binge' 700kcal


EXERCISE CALS BURNED

1hr gym workout 450kcal

bike ride to and from gym 10 minutes each way 110kcal

skipping, slow 50kcal

TOTAL 266kcal

*From now on i will do two totals for my cals. One for exercise and one for food, but i will not deduct exercise cals from food because it just hinders me and encourages me to eat more*

So...im a little angry at myself for today, but i refuse to lose sight of the big picture and will battle through and counterbalance today with tomorrow. Hope you are all doing ok and are losing weight.

Must go now and snooze! Long day tomorrow!

x Poppy x

FIGHT THE FLAB, BRING ON THE BONE!

Oh dear! I'm afraid ive slipped a little in my blog, and i couldnt believe it when i saw that i might not get time to whizz on here and say hi! Its just a must!


So yesterday was a bit of a trainwreck. I was the orchestrator watching as my train of eating got bigger and bigger heading to disaster uncontrollable area. I was in control, yet when my food train had crashed i still was upset that it had happened!

It wasnt like i binged the entire candy shop, but i had almost too much and it almost ended with me going onver my calorie allowance - WITH excersise added and everything!!

I think it was because i began the day badly by getting out of sync with my schedule. I slept in and didnt manage to go swimming which i really wanted to do. As the afternoon went on, the hunger pang prayed on me and me, weak me, gave in. I had a mini binge. I hadnt eaten up until that point.

Luckily, i had planned to go to a hard aerobics work out that evening so i knew it would rid me of some of the calories. Also i had done biking and walking (although no longer than 30 minutes each). Tea also softened the blow as i could stick to my plan of tuna and salad.

cals for weds:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
nothing 0kcal

Lunch
nothing 0kcal

Tea
salad with tuna weight watchers tin 87kcal

Snacks
*binge* 797kcal

exercise for weds:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

hard cardio aerobics class 1hr 500kcal

mixed walking/cycling 100kcal

TOTAL 284KCAL

So...as yesterday kinda sucked, i had to make up for it today.

Today i woke promptly at 8am, determined to make up for yesterday. I cycled over to another aerobics class and signed on to a half a year membership with the leisure centre.

Back at home i managed to mull 40minutes over 2 rice crackers with extra-light dairylea spread - my lunch. It felt good that i had taken that long. After constantly trying to persuade my sister to go on a bike ride, we ended up taking a short one just into the town. We had a drink and i was very careful to order the diet coke rather than lime and soda as i normally do. The calories in the lime cordial would have been alot more! Hidden calories always something to look out for!

Back home, i had arranged to go out with friends at 8pm so just wished that the time would come before my family had thought about tea. Unfortunately they did and i sat down to a half bowl of tomato soup. At least that would be the worst!

I was then driven down to the pub, to my disappointment as i thought i might be able to burn more calories. Talking to my friends was ok however i felt so dislocated from their chat. Eventually when i did leave with a friend who was walking back, i told her and she said that she thought she was having a struggle with depression. She got upset and we hugged. At least she didnt try to comfort me - that i would have hated!

Then i walked the rest of the way home. Finally! A good day! Even though i could have done more exercise, my cals were good!

Cals for Thurs:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
2 rice crackers with extra light dairylea 51kcal

Tea
1/2 a covent garden soup 155kcal

Snack
nothing 0kcal

exercise for Thurs:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

circuit-stlye aerobics 1hr workout 400kcal

mixed walking/cycling 100kcal

TOTAL -294KCAL

Right, well im sorry but ive got to dash. One of these days i will get on here early enough to write a proper long blog when im not half asleep, writing in a rush and a daze!

Thanks for your support and keep visiting!

x * Poppy * x