Good day and gym equals slim. But not slim yet after seeing that fat!

Me again!


The reason for my title by the way is because i just did the facts page for the site and it really makes me feel sick that picture of that pound of fat! eugh!

Im actually awake enough to get my blog done today! yay! Then it'll be back to normal folks - one blog a day on the right day! lol

Woke up to the wonderful sound of the phone ringing! It was my mum asking if i was up! lol. Well...i was then! It was 1.00pm by this time!

I skipped on the brekkie, as per, then nothing much happened - i just mooched on the internet. This is what the next two days could potentially look like btw because i dont have work and am at home all day!

So i decided as i was doing well i'd miss lunch and, at the same time, secure myself only a small tea. I phoned mum and asked her if we had plans for tea and she said not. I explained that i was going to have my large meal then as i was hungry and carbs sit in my stomach in the evenings, which they do.

I did my usual 'cook-the-meal-then-dump-it' routine but made one slip up. My hands grabbed a lolly on the way out of the kitchen. I mean, obviously not just them cos otherwise i would have some freaky independantly thinking hands! But you know? You dont actively take it and think i want this so i will take it, it just sorta happens.

Anyways i ate it then purged it. I made sure that it was all of it so that was ok. Mum came back home and we went to the gym. It felt really good today, although i was gettin reli posessive over the machines. Like when the one i was going to use next (i have a set pattern with which order i go on them) is vacated early and im still on the previous one!

When we came back mum seemed quite relaxed about food so she had her tea and i said i'd have mine later. I had a soup later and then ended up slipping a few quality streets into my fat mouth!

Quickly, heres my calorie table:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
one ice cream b/p

Tea
1/2 covent garden soup 150kcal

Snack
3 pieces of gum 15kcal
3 x quality streets 120kcal
TOTAL 285KCAL


EXERCISE CALS BURNED

1hr hard workout in gym 470kcal

TOTAL -185KCAL

So, not bad today. Must go now because im desperate for sleep.

Poppy x x x x x x x x x x x

(sorry - i know ott on kisses but i just wanted to try that out! lol)

Weigh in numero 2 and more lbs bite the dust!

Hello!

Back again! Well, i weighed myself last night and according to the scales...

TOTAL LOST OR GAINED:

LOST 3LB

mmm...not as well as i had wanted to do. But then i know why. This week i've eaten more which is never a good sign. At least i havent gained though. Also i weighed myself this morning to double check and i was a 1lb lighter (which usually happens as your body has rested and lost water weight). But i am sticking to the original weight and then next week it means i will have lost lots of weight.

Woke up and managed to skip breakfast even though my mum was there. I think she figured i wouldnt eat it and she didnt want to start off my day in a crappy mood.

Then to work! Im sure you dont want to hear muc about that apart from i found that that is one of the things that triggers me to eat! surprise? I shouldnt be - its a food shop! I have to give people free tasters and they eat in front of me! It sucks.

The day went quick though. At lunch my boss noticed i was only having 2 sticks of gum for lunch (because there is a pokey hole to sit out back and people need to get there to do their job). She said about me starving myself. I said that i wasnt, i just wasnt hungry. AND BUTT OUT! i didnt say that last bit! lol, but i felt like it.

I had to pick up tea for my sister and i on mums orders because it would only be us for tea that night. So i spent ages when there was no customers in the shop, looking at the calories in the one portions (we share a one). Most were horrendous but shepherds pie was the best (200kcal if split).

I had to have it all for tea because otherwise i knew my sister would kick up a fuss. But after i'd eaten it all i couldnt keep it down, it weighed so heavy on my stomach. it was so uncomfortable that i had to purge some but it wasnt much. I also felt happy that i could eat a small portion like that and find im too full. yay!

Another point that i know is kinda gross but i thought i'd just mention is the pain in the ass that is pooing! I dont know whether it is the effects of the laxitives i had used in the past that have weakened my muscles or my continual consumption of gum, but i have no control over it. I get some heads up but over the last two days ive been literally pooing my pants (only twice though). Its a bit worrying! lol.

Here are my calories for the day:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
4 pieces of gum 20kcal

Tea
half a 1 portion of shepherds pie 200kcal
peas 40kcal

Snack
Nothing

TOTAL : 260kcal

I didnt do any exercise because i had to get home quickly to say goodbye to C (mum's fiance - i wont put full name) as he has left for france for a week then i had to get tea. I know its no excuse!

Right, im gonna have to go now because i have to go to the gym and then it will only be a few hours before im blogging you again! lol God! i have a busy life! lol.

Speak soon,

Poppy xx ;p

Whatever you do, DON'T DIS THE PUG! OR IT'LL SET IT'S HUMAN ON YOU!

Stupid fuck-wit computer just decided to close itself down for pointless updates, deleting my entire blog! Its driving me crazy!


Im afraid this means you will not find out the results of my weigh in until tomorrow afternoon so keep checkin in, and i will also update on other things as well.

Must go now and give this laptop and good talking to.
Damn im mad...and maybe...just..a.little.....ti-..r..e..d........z.z..z.z.z.z.

Poppy

Summer's comin and i'm already done in! zzz...lol!

Hi!
Sorry about yesterday - i've been absoloutely zonked by the time i come in from work. In fact, i was very nearly going to leave these blogs until tomorrow, but then i knew that they'd never get done!

I feel a bit better about posting these now because weighing day is over (see next blog for results) and i can start afresh for the week.

Well, as usual i managed no breakfast. No problem. Had a boiler man walk into my room at 9am without knocking!! i was in bed!...but luckily with clothes on! How rude!

Then my sister and I went to our nearby city to meet our mum and do some shopping for birthdays and fathers day. You know how it is!

My sister did mention lunch very early on when we got there, saying we could go to a restaurant we liked and order potato skins. She wanted to have a really nice relaxed day out with her sister and all i could think of was fat on the hips and calories! It makes me feel like crying because i would love to be able to just have it without worrying but i cant. It just doesnt work that way with me. Fortunately, i managed to brush it off by saying i had soups in the fridge and didnt want them to go off.

We met my mum and did some shopping. Shirt and tie for our future step-dad! No time to stop for lunch at that point. After mum had gone though, my sister suggested getting a wrap and sitting in the gardens behind the cathedral. I liked half of that idea - guess what bit!

Before grabbing lunch, we also whizzed into clothes shops. i was brave enough to try on some shorts for my holiday. I was quite disappointed though because i still comfortably fit into the size in am although at least i can do the buttons up on the smaller size. Lets give it another 2 weeks and i should be there! Bring it on!

We were in Marks and when i'd bought the fathers day items, my sister was already in the line and almost at the tills. Obviously it would have looked really suspicious not to get anything and also i didnt want to ruin my sisters day completely! So as the line was so long i went to find a low fat wrap. I thought i got a low fat one and only ate half that wouldnt be so bad, given that i wasnt having much choice about eating it as it was.

I was pushing aside the wraps as my sister was getting nearer and nearer the tills. I couldnt find any low fat ones! Then, i saw her waving and she was next. If you had seen that line, you wouldnt have wanted to line back up too. I grabbed the closest thing to me and paid.

It was only when we sat down on the bank that i took a proper look at the calorie content: 530KCAL! How can you fit that into one wrap?! Thats double my days usual intake in one flimsy bit of flat flour bread! As my sister was glaring over my shoulder though, i had to eat it all.

Luckily, i found an excuse for tea when i got home. Well...no so much as excuse...i just said i wasnt hungry and dosed off. If you sleep they cant ask you anything or interogate you! So managed to miss tea.

Im quickly gonna speed on and tell you my calories because i still have to do todays yet!!

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
m & s caesar wrap 530kcal

Tea Nothing
0kcal

Snack
Nothing 0kcal

TOTAL 530KCAL

Note to all you guys thinking about buying yourself a nutritious wrap from there - DONT! IT WILL BE LIKE EATING LARD! How do they fit that many calories into that small thing?!

I felt so depressed yesterday that i just fell asleep rather than do exercise. So i missed out on that.

Anyways, time for another blog.

Tune in next time!

Poppy x-x-x

Clean, hollow, light...and utterly painful! But with two days to go, measures must be taken!

Wow! Well, its almost two weeks since i started. I feel as though i ought to have done more. You know eaten less, exercised more but we will just have to wait until results in on Tuesday.


Quickly, i hope you like the picture! It wasnt going to, but its going to go in the motivational quotes album, if anyone wants to copy it.

It always seems so easy when you say 'Why didnt i just not eat that? Why didnt i just not eat?'. But man its hard not to eat even for one day!

I have done it before but i forgot how bad it feels to begin with. I've had pains all day and this evening i couldnt sit still because it hurt so much.

Today has been TRES TRES SUCESSFUL! YAY! IM HAPPY ABOUT IT!

My family went out today to see our extended family a few hours away. As i wasnt up, they left me behind. I wanted to be left behind, thats why i stayed asleep. I eventually woke up around 2pm. Then i began to create my new site (i will get to that bit later!). At 3pm, i decided i better make lunch just so mum thought i'd eaten something, then i'd bin it.

Its such an exact procedure to making sure it looks as though you've eaten. I had to cook the jacket potato so they could smell it when they came in. Make sure the end of the cheese slab was grated so it looked as though id had some. Move the salad bits around and cut bits off so it looked as though id had some. I put it all on my plate and made it and cut it up as if i was going to eat it. Reason? so that when i left my plate in the sink, it looked as though i had actually had a meal off of it. But dont forget to put some scraps in the bin, because who eats every single bit off their plate? I cut myself a piece of cake and put it in the black binliner with the lunch i hadnt eaten. Left all the dirty stuff into soak so it looked as though id eaten. Then emptied my bin ontop of the uneaten food so i had an alibi for the black bin liner in the bin outside. Voila! Its not easy...

Anyway, so that was lunch. Then came the hard part. My family came home and after two hours decided to have tea. I acted casual and said id had a big lunch and would have a soup if i really got hungry. My mum still made me sit there at the table as they munched their way through shepherds pie and chicken kievs (not together!lol). It was agony. Then i had to sit there through pudding as well. But i stayed fast.

It has been the evening that has been the worst. From that point i have stayed in my room and avoided the kitchen. I have been spending that time beginning my 'link on' site to this one called the calorie bible. It is because i cant fit all of the foods and nutritional info in the way i wanted onto this site. It would be too cluttered.

You can see it now. It only has the home page and A to B of the fruit and veg but if you want to take a look:

www.freewebs.com/caloriebible

So, ive only come off of it in the last few hours. Suddenly my stomach started being criplingly agonising and so i had to go onto the thinspiration site for support because i was dying for an ice cream.

I think im over it now.... .... lol!

Heres todays calorie layout:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
Nothing 0kcal

Snack
4 x pieces of gum 20kcal
2 x diet pepsi drinks 0kcal

TOTAL 20KCAL

Now, my lame excuse for not exercising was because the gym was closed today and i got up late. But i suppose there is no excuse really. As my calories were low today, its ok but i will definitely go to the gym tomorrow. If not for the calories (which it will most certainly be for), then for the hot water, because our boilers getting fixed and we wont have hot water for 2 days and they have a shower up there! lol.

Tomorrow will also be a day when i go to meet mum for lunch with my sister. Cue awkward situation - I dont want to friggin eat. I might say that i will have a soup back home. Im sure mum will huff though!

Anyways, must go as im parched!

Keep up your good work whichever way it leans,

Poppy xoxo

FAT DAY! I feel yucky and sick and i wanna curl up and never eat again! :( :(

Oops! Sorry this blog is a little later than expected but i've just finished my 'about me' page - it took ages! i didnt think it would take that long!


Anyway, today: NOT A GOOD DAY!

I told you it was going to be a bad week for me, and I was right. Although now i have my new future-seeing abilities, I don?t think my name quite matches up to the likes of Nostradamus! Hmmm, perhaps I ought to change it?! Lol

But on a serious note, today i just felt as though i wanted to cry. Its been one of those spiral days where one thing triggers another.

I went to work and managed to avoid any temptations. I was doing really well until we spotted a cake that had gone over its date by a day. Even when my collegue said i could take it home i didnt see a problem because id just let my family eat it - i dont find that hard to resist. But then she suggested we both have a piece as afternoon tea. Well, she'd seen me eat nothing for lunch, and she was around the previous day so noted the same. I only had a small piece but as soon as i was eating it i hated myself. So while she was sorting out the store i went to the toilet and tried to purge but i only got a miniscule bit out.

Throughout the next 10 minutes i could feel it rising in my stomach and couldnt resist the urge to lose more calories. So i would be sick in my mouth then spit it into tissue when i could inconspicuously get to where it was. I know that is terribly disgusting, but if we are embarking on this then we must be honest. This is the kind of stuff that does occur when you get an ED - you get rid of calories by ANY MEANS.

Anyway, i wouldnt of had it if she wasnt looking, but it was like she was making sure i ate it! i couldnt get away! So after that she said about another piece later on in the day. Luckily we were so busy we didnt have time.

I also had to pick out a meal for my sister and i, as our parents were going out. i spent ages turning the portions looking for a low number of calories that she'd like too. The lowest i could get that would suit us both was 200kcal (if split in two) for a one portion!

But we didnt eat it anyway because i didnt have tea. Whats the problem?, you may ask. Well...i had more than sponge cake. I seems like the fates were out to get me or something because when i get home my family have saved me up some quality streets. Luckily i manage to give some away but i still have to eat some.

Lastly, my self control finally collapsed when i ate fudge i had stupidly bought at the shop. I had been wanting to buy it for AGES and gave in. Then i ate it all, although i purged some of it back up.

Stinking calorie log for today:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
2 pieces of gum 10kcal

Tea
Nothing 0kcal

Snack
piece of victoria sponge P / rtd 150kcal
4 x quality streets 157kcal
150g of fudge P / rtd 400kcal

TOTAL 767KCAL
I cant wait until 16th June because i will be going back to Bath for little under a week so i can fast! and lose more weight and cleanse myself of these yucky yucky fattening foods!

Then im going again the next week so i can keep the fast up! Yay!!!

Mum has told me that tomorrow we (possibly including me) are going to her fiance's sisters and everyone is going to the bridal shop to look at dresses. I am really upset, because of course i want to go! But i wont go when im this size! mum's fiance's sister is tiny, so is my sister and my mum is under average as well. It really hurts. I dont think i'll be up anyway so at least i'll will only half feel bad in my half-comatose state tomorrow morning.

So, thats my depressing news. I feel such a faliure and im sure you are all doing really well on your regimes. Let me know please and send me words of support - i feel i need them right now...

Until tomorrow...

Poppy xxx

The blog that time...almost...forgot!

Heya guys!


So this is my blog for yesterday. I will not talk about today until later this evening with a second blog, no matter how tempting it is! My blog for today will be posted earlier than usual by the way - just to give you a quick heads up on that. It will be posted sometime today around 10pm.

Yesterday was my 'Oh crap! exercsie exercise!' day. Reason? I weighed myself the night before and hadn't gone down much then ate bad stuff!

Oh yes! But it wasnt a binge. I walked to work like usual, which would have burned off some calories. Yet as soon as i started work there was food flying everywhere! Not literally though otherwise that would have just been too much temptation to walk around with your mouth open! And what do you think they'd poop if they were alove like birds? Would the puddings poop chocolate drops? ... erm...! its a funny world i live in. Must come back to earth now! lol

So, my first hiccup (this is, of course, putting it mildly) was to sneak 2 pieces of my favourite traybake. After that i found it really hard to resist especially when i then had to cut up two giant brownies for tasters! I had to leave off the ends because our manager says it looks sloppy to the customers, and it seemed so much like a waste. I ended up eating some of that as well!

After this i felt so anxious and felt i HAD TO exercise. I wanted to dance around the room and jump up and down. Do a few laps and jump over the freezers. I clawing away inside myself to burn the calories off. Luckily i had packed my gym stuff that morning so after work had finished i went straight to the gym and worked off 400 calories.

Then when i got home, there was tea. Luckily it was a low-fat deal. Not that any of these things are ACTUALLY low fat! lol. But i ate half of it then left the rest. After that i was completely knackered. I really couldnt keep awake so decided rather than wirte you a half-comatose blog, i'd wait till i was actually awake enough to write my name!

So heres the body's expense report (you could say...):

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
nothing 0kcal

Lunch
4 x gum 20kcal
diet cherry coke 5kcal
Tea
chicken with veg and cashews in soy sauce 120kcal

Snacks
2 x gum 10kcal
3 x squash 21kcal
brownie 250kcal
2 x fruit and nut squares 50kcal

TOTAL

By the way, you may have noticed that the calories for the cherry cke have gone up. This is due to miscalculation. Its only pepsi max, and coke zero that have NO calories. damn!

I may have overestimated in some of the calories, especially the brownie and fruit and nuut, but i'd rather overestimate and have lost more weight, than underestimate and gain.

My exercise:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

2mph 30 min walk to work 150kcal

1hr in the gym. hard workout 400kcal

TOTAL 550KCAL

So...THE FINAL TOTAL IS: 26KCAL

For some reason i think it making a big difference eating more food and burning it off, than eating less and not exercising. What i'd love to reach is eating less AND burning it off! But wouldnt we all?!

Will leave you with this for now and will be back on later for blog number two!

See ya!

Poppy @------