New plan developed from tomorrow but today has hit a bummer due to a capful of oil and rain!

Hi Guys!
Hope you are all doing well today.

Its been an ok start to the week and i hoping it will pick up as it goes along.

Its 3.30am now into the next day and im still in my clothes. My pyjamas always seem to tight for me now, even if i strech them, so i dont like to wear them. I hate tight clothes.

I got up early this morning because, as you can imagine is my only reason for getting up early (!), i had to go to work. It was a bit of a rush because i had to take all my pills in the am - i have to take 9! But its all for a good cause! After that i couldnt find my work trousers, and i have recently thrown my bigger sized ones away because they no longer fitted me. So i was in a panic because they were the only ones i had!

Yes...you heard right! Ive had to throw out clothes that are too big for me! I managed to get a whole bag uptogether of things, it was my way of saying that i would never be that size again.

I walked to work in 30 minutes again - im getting faster at that! The time passed wuite quickly, despite having only 20 customes in the whole day (!), because i was working with someone i liked. I find it easy to chat with her. Now - id been taking the hoodia by this point, and i must say that the stomach pains are less obvious. I didnt even notice, but i still CRAVED food badly. I dont know whether it improves, but for the moment its just the huge hunger pains that subside slightly.

We ate lunch together so i couldnt get away with the fact i only had a yoghurt. She commented but i said that i had actually had breakfast today so my body was adjusting and i wasnt hungry. What bullpoop i come up with! lol.

My cravings were still growing and that last hour was THE most painful ive ever gone through. Not hunger-wise, but just using my self control to not touch any of the food around the store. It was hard - but thats something that long term anas have to deal with everyday i suppose. Its hard getting out of a mia mindset when your in it for so long - i always saw food as something i could eat, but i just couldnt keep in, like it was tainted. I guess i'll have to change my outlook more.

I got a lift home and my mum was still in a mood with me. I really want to scream at her - i dont know why she was in a mood with me today, because ive been at work so its not like i could have done any housework!

Anyway, putting family issues to one side, i went to have a bath. We've always been relaxed in our household, so us girls usually come and chat to one another when we are in the bath. But i have to be so careful recently due to my scars and, even though im not underweight, i dont want them to size me up too well and work out too accurately how much ive lost!

Tea came along and i INSISTED on cooking my own food. I began to search for the frylite spray (1kcal per spray) to put on the pan, but i went into panic mode as i realised we had run out. My stepfather acted like it was nothing and said 'oh well you'll just have to use some of this' and poured some oilve oil over the pan! I felt like crying, i still do! It gives me a lump in my throat! I was so mortified, but just had to pretend it was nothing! Who puts olive oil in a pan and thinks nothing of it??!!! Its so infuriating and upsetting!

I ate all my veggie stirfry then left to go upstairs. I have no idea really what ive been doing since then, something on the internet i suppose, but i really ought to get off soon so, 1. you can then read this! and 2. so i can go to bed! Thats more important! lol

Exercise has been the only area ive been disappointed in today - the weather has been really grotty tho. But tomorrow its like a given that i go to the aerobics class, then thurs i have two classes and the same friday. Basically after tomorrow im pretty much booked up exercise-wise until next week! yay!

CALORIE SECTION:

MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CAL

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
a low fat yoghurt 80kcal

Tea
capful of oilve oil 100kcal
veggie stirfry 70kcal

Snack
Nothing 0kcal

CAL INTAKE TOTALS 250KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

30 min 1.5mile walk to work 80kcal

EXERCISE CALS BURNED 80KCAL

ADVICE NEEDED!

I want some advice you guys because theres a possible situation coming up on Saturday and i want to be prepared. My mum is having an early pre-pre hen do and its just going to be a meal with lots of friends at a pub. Last time there was a big meal like this i had a panic attack and i can even feel my throat constricting a little now at the thought of it! I need advice as to what would be safe to eat without looking obviously 'im on a diet'-ish because my mums way too suspicious enough and i dont want to make her unhappy and distracted on her do. Any suggestions welcome, please its REALLY IMPORTANT...

Must go now. psps. what do you think of my new backup plan for eating? I'll keep on modifying and changing them till one works because one of them will!

PLAN FOR EATING -


PILLS:


Morning before brekkie -


1 x multivitamin


1 x iron pill


1 x cod liver oil pill


2 x sea kelp pills


2 x hoodia


2 x lipovox


Afternoon before lunch -


2 x hoodia


2 x lipovox


(after lunch) 3 x proactol


Evening before tea:


2 x hoodia


(after tea) 3 x proactol


Nightime:


(optional) 2 x nytol


OR 2 x syndol


avg amount of pills taken in a day > 23


Other pills i have but dont take:


over 70 fluoxitine pills

Breakfast:


One weetabix (64kcal) with skimmed milk (10kcal), cut with water (0kcal)


Lunch:


100g of low fat yoghurt (59kcal) with 2 teaspoons of sweetener (2 x 2kcal=4kcal)


2 baby tomatoes (2 x 6kcal=12kcal)


Tea:


vegetable stirfry (70kcals)


OR


tofu with salad (70-80kcals)


OR


soup (80-180kcals)


OR other low fat options to be brainstormed


Emergency Snack:


carrot batons (using all the carrot) (20kcals) with a teaspoon of mustard (5kcals)


OR a hot chocolate with hot water (40kcals)

Right, now it REALLY is time for goodbyes!

Speak tomorrow,

* PoPpY x

The Last 'Binge' Supper - not quite the masterpiece Da Vinci created! Fresh start tomorrow

Thank God its the end of an awful week! Its been a rough last few days but now they are done I can start using hoodia, and begin to skip meals properly.


I must say thank you to every one who has given me tips and encouragement - its really helped! Ive tried and tested the tips and they work so they are in motion from tomorrow. They include:

- put anti-nail poilish on things you are about to eat, because it DOES taste absoloutely foul!

- dont deny yourself everything straight away (my biggest downfall!), try cutting things down. Instead of having a bar of chocolate, have a hot chocolate (with water, not milk).

We will see how it goes - one day at a time. Today, given that its the last day of the week, i havent denied myself anything today, but i havent binged. I had a soup for lunch with a roll, then my sister and I went for a walk into town. I picked up my bank statement and the paypal deposits had been put in so --- Ive finally got my paypal account up and running so i can buy more diet pills! yay!

That also means that i can start making the red bracelets then selling them. Its taken long enough! I might start selling them off my new website but put a link from the shop to the new site shop. I'll see how it goes...

Anyways, back to today! When we got back home i ame back upstairs and net-surfed for a bit before my mum came home. She shouted at me for not doing all the ironing, so i just stayed in my room for the next few hours. Next i heard from her it was tea. I had asked for a veggie escalope then had wedges and beans. I wouldnt normally have had the wedges, or the escalope (lol) but i promised myself i wouldnt deny myself anything on the last day of an awful week. I could have starved myself and done damage control, but (probably stupidly) i didnt.

After tea i was STUFFED again. I hate feeling full and whenever i begin to feel full i always say how much i prefer to feel empty. Although i think feeling very hungry is an aquired feeling! lol.

Today really hasnt been that interesting, its tomorrow im excited about. I'll be bust at work for most of the day, then hopefully gyming for an hour in the evening then home around 7.30pm. Ive already decided that tea is going to be stir fried vegetables (no oil, and only a cap full of low fat soy sauce) - it should be about 70kcals max.

Im not going to do a calorie intake or exercise chart today because id rather start with a clean slate tomorrow - otherwise i'll be thinking of repairing the damage done today tomorrow, if that makes sense?! lol

Note to Vickie: Hi! Its great to hear from you! Unfortunately,as you can tell, i wouldnt be the best person to ask right now in terms of the best way to avoid eating! I know its tough when ur family tell you to eat more and watch over you - its such a pain! Personally for me, the napkin trick (put napkin on your lap and tip food into it) would never work for me, as my family are always watching. But if they dont see you at lunch then tell them you had a big lunch. Otherwise, i stir up an argument with a family member just so i have a reason to storm off and not eat tea - you can pretend your mad at them! Im vegetarian, which also means that they let me make my own meals if im down in time so i usually try to stick to veggie stir frys. They dont pay attention to what im having because i have to make my own and they are having something different. When i was having the same as them, they would notice if i made a fuss! You could always go to an aerobics class before tea and say that eating shortly after exercise makes you feel sick, then you can delay your meal, or wait so long that then its too late to eat! Or arrange to meet with friends over the teatime period and say you are eating out with them. The meeting with friends scenario could even be fake and you coud just go to the gym instead! Sorry that these arent very helpful - to be truthful its just luck of the draw when it comes to excuses. I just have to work on what my family is doing for the day and where they'll be that day.

ANOTHER HI! - To Lilyboo and Ophelia. Im glad you like what im trying to do to this site and the new one. I really wanted the grotto to be quicker - im hoping its only going to take another two weeks max before im selling. Im really looking forward to it. I try not to make my site like others because whats the point?! I could go anywhere to see all the same info and you want to find somewhere that has fresh info and constantly updated. As for my new site, i really felt beautyisbones needed to expand and it means that i can put alot of new stuff to the site as well as keeping the old stuff. Im really chuffed with it - i spend most of my hours on it - im a bit of a geek like that! lol Im looking forward to some of my pages especially, like the recipies page - because i have trawled through food magazines and recipie books to find recipies under 100kcals, 200kcals and 300kcals. Then im using a code so you can see if it has carbs, oil or dairy in it. It should be quite special...

Right, so im gonna head off now because im really tired and work tomorrow better be busy, and hoodia better work well - the last thing i need tomorrow is to snack, i'd be unconsolable if i did that!

Speak tomorrow night,

xox Poppy xox

Binge, binge, binge - KILL ME NOW! I HATE MYSELF!

God! Its only 8.30pm but i am soo bloody tired again!


I guess i owe you all an apology for not blogging last night. How much trouble am i in on a scale of one to ten?! I had abad day yesterday, and busy too, when it got to a spare window of time i was so shattered i went to sleep!

So here we go with what has happened...

I woke up around midday Saturday, and mum and colin had already done a part shop and got delicious tempting things in the fridge. They offered lunch and, of course, i couldnt say no because i'd be digging myself a hole for later on. I had some soup and my mum made me a roll. I only had half the soup.

As the day moved on, it was clear that it was going to turn into a binge day. I went to the nearby city with them and went shopping. As i broke off from my family, i found myself wandering off towards bad food stores. Firstly, i went to Lush to get some products to make my skin nice before the wedding. For a long time i went around the shops that i usually buy chocolate from, not feeling the inclination to do so. I should have left it at that and avoided the rest the whole day - but i didnt.

I went into two shops and came out with a small packet of truffles, a bar of chocolate and pistachios, and two terry's white chocolate oranges. It was then i went into my last store - a health store - to get some kelp pills. Kelp pills are supposed to keep your metabolism quick. I spotted the diet pills aisle and sauntered over. My eyes skimmed sceptically over the diet pills i hadnt heard before, until i notcied one i did! Hoodia! I had wanted to try it for ages and decided to get it now, because otherwise i'd have to wait for my paypal account to work before i could get it. I picked up the box only to find it empty, and a sign underneath saying 'behind counter'. Oh bum! I would have to go and ask for it, infront of the rest of the shop! It would say clearly on it - 'slimming pills'.

I walked over with the kelp pills and a magazine and said in a fake confident voice 'and some hoodia please...(he couldnt find it) the white packet there...(still looking) just there' - he found it! I could feel everyone craining over to see what it was, or eyebrows lifting as they knew what it was! I quickly paid and speeded out the shop. I had it now - YES! I had seen the effects of it on TV with Anna Richardson. She is sceptical of these things, but said after a few days she was just living off coffee and occasionally an apple because she really didnt want anything to eat. Hoodia is also shown to work, and bushmen used it when they were out on a hunt for days on end. Its voted one of the top slimming pills.

To see the relavent parts of the episode where Anna tries the Hoodia Pill, follow these links:

part 3 (starting at 7.00mins) -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AU4h8nEwmQ

part 4 (starting from 0.00mins)-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4CWS6B-lhA

part 5 (starting 3.30mins)-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTOhkposTxk

Scarliy enough - ive actually tried two of the ones she has in front of her when she's speaking to the camera in 8.20! The proactol (furtheest box back right) and am about to try the exact same hoodia she uses (front white bottle with yellow label).

After shopping in the city, we went food shopping. Cue a really excited me! I LOVE food shopping! Its a chance for me to exercise control and i was allowed a basket all of my own! So i went off on my own and shopped for stuff i felt safe about. I got veggie safe items such as tofu, salad and veggies such as mini courgettes and stir fry, and fresh soups (erm... i also may have picked up a chocolate bar... :( ).

When i got back home, i stuffed the chocolate bar, some of the truffles and both of the terrys chocolate oranges. Yes, thats right - i am a pig! I stuffed it all and hated myself for every bit of it, it was the food equivalent of slashing my wrists that evening, because i knew i would have to pay for it for days, maybe weeks after. Later after id gotten over the searing agony of my stomach overstraching itself i continued to binge with a quiche, crisps and an ice cream.

After eating all that, i couldnt stand how crap i felt about it all, so quickly went to bed and fell asleep...

only to wake up this morning and STILL feel crap! Surprise surprise!

Today, i havent binged parsay, but i havent been able to be as stingy as i have wanted (so i can counteract as much as possible, what i did yesterday). This is because we have had open house today and had two lots of relatives round. We had my stepdad's sister's family round for lunch. Luckily i had a back up meal of a bean chilli which i had. Then my mum forced a piece of pie on me which i had to eat. This evening ive had nothing though. I dont feel any better about it all.

The only good news is the hoodia. I have decided that im not going to start using it straight away, despite my terrible binges. Im going to wait until tuesday. This is for a number of reasons:

1) I am so near to weighing day that i want a clean slate for tuesday, so i can get the full benefits of the pill

2) My sister will not be in the house so i can lie about eating lunch meaning that i can eat little at teatimes and not have to divulge the fact im taking diet pills.

3) To minimise the chances of my family finding out. If no one is around, then it means maxuimum exercise and miniumum cals. If they saw i wasnt eating all day it might be different - my family dont accept 'im not hungry' as an excuse not to finish a meal alot of the time!

So...Im looking forward to Tuesday so i can start taking Hoodia, but not because ive avoided weighing myself for 1 and a half days and i bet ive gained now so im pooing myself about it!

Right - thats all for now troopers!
Also just to let you know, my new project is:

ALL NEW BEAUTYISBONES SITE!

I now officially own beautyisbones.com! Its an all new site with added features and pages. Its only half finished but you are free to visit it now and see the progress! Just when youo thought this site couldnt get better - it did! lol

http://www.beautyisbones.com/

Enjoy!

Poppy xx

Carb City today food-wise, but...'Burn baby Burn!' - I worked it on the exercise front!

Its 5am here in the UK, and because i was worried you would miss my blog - i have still got on here to write to you!


Im feeling really crap because i just want to go to sleep, so just to let you know in advance this blog migh not be long! lol

Today i got up early and got ready for my double bill of classes! I did spin class for 45 minutes which was amazing! I really enjoyed it - however i cant be sure if that was because i had maybe not put enough resistance on! I think i had but i can never tell! lol. Then straight after, i went to body conditioning! That was tiring and i didnt enjoy it as much but im still glad i did it...then i walked home! yay!

When i got back home, i came online and worked on my project im developing at the moment. I told my sister i was going to meet my friend in town at 2pm so i would have lunch with him. But, for some bizzare reason, i caved and ate some seeds and a roll. Disgusted with myself i came up to my room and let my anger out on my sister when she kept moaning at me - i told her to piss off. Ive been so bad tempered with her lately because she's watching out for me and i dont like being so closely monitored at the mo.

Anyway, i came up to my room and fell asleep on the bed. The next thing i know its 2.15pm and im getting missed calls coming in thick and fast. I feel too drowsy and thick to go anywhere, so my friend and i agree not to meet after all. I felt bad, but really couldnt make it. It has been heaving down with rain all day, so not the kind of weather you want to do anything in really! lol

The rest of the day i spent on my project. Then, before i know it, tea arrives. My mum was insisting on me having a carb-based meal after my exercise, and i knew i would feel crappy after it. I love carbs but id prefer to cut them out. I had quorn spaghetti bolegnese which i tolerated.

Ive decided not to set any goals for myself tomorrow because when i do it ultimately leads to failure. Also i have the added pressure of knowing we are having visitors round, going supermarket shopping (YAY!! I LOVE IT!). So we will have to see...

CALORIE SECTION:

Meal Food Consumed Cal

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
a roll 148kcal
a few seeds 40kcal

Tea
quorn spag bol 300kcal!

Snack nothing 0kcal

CAL INTAKE TOTAL 488KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

45 mins spinning, hard 550kcal

1 hour body conditoning, med/hard 450kcal

20 mins walk home 60kcal

EXERCISE CALS BURNED 1050KCAL

Smiley face for exercise and sad face for food i think! lol.

Right got to go - im getting one of those tedious sleep-deprived heaches now! lol

Bye!

xo Poppy ox

Progress of a different sort - Stopping the snowball from turning into an Avalanche...

Right, im going to have to make this snappy because im UBER-TIRED and thats without taking pills!


I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed (well...not so much!) at 7am and cycled down to my local supermarket in the pouring rain (!) to get my drinks for when im at work. After wards I took the bus back into town and managed to get to work on time.

Since the beginning of the day, I felt hungry. I staved it off and ignored it. At lunch, I bought a pack of cous cous that was 200kcals. I knew I was having a really low cal tea, so it was like having the highest cal meal in the day than usually having it in the evening. It was so gorgeous, but if I had it again I would only have half. I also bought the choc slice that had been staring at me all day..

Now, alot of you will already be tutting at me, and you are quite right, but let me finish. It was really wrong of me and I did eat a bit of it. However, I gave a quarter of it to my work collegue. On the way to the leisure centre, I felt awful that I had eaten so of it (i still had half left) and took a new step and did something I haven?t done before. I binned the rest! I have done similar things in the past, but then got it out again and still ate it. But I actually was disgusted by it and binned the rest in one. Im so proud of myself for doing it. I know that I still ate some of it, but I managed to stop myself before I binged! Hooray!

I went to the centre with 30 minutes to spare, and was going to do 20 minutes on the treadmill. But when I got into the toilets to change I suddenly felt really sick. Now, my experience as a mia has taught me that holding the urge back only leaves you in agony longer, so I let the urge to be sick overwhelm me. I threw up some of the choc slice in the toilet. Then I couldn?t stop and waves of sickness kept on coming. Eventually I had to have a big swig of water and leave the loos otherwise I wouldn?t get any time on the machines. I had spent 20 minutes in the toilets.

I then spent the last 10 minutes before my first boxercise class, sprinting fast on the treadmill which earnt me 100kcals. I was warmed up and ready to burn some serious fat after that disgusting choc. The class was great and really exhausting ? I don?t think I burned as many cals as I do in aerobics because in this class we took breaks, but It was still good ? and every little bit counts!

Back home, I had the rest of my veggie stir fry and felt happy and comfortable that it wasn?t many cals. I am now in my room completely shattered and tired, looking a the mountain ahead of me that is tomorrow morning! Im doing spin class for 45 mins followed immediately by a body conditioning class! Im gonna be so exhausted! On top of that there are two meetings with friends tomorrow, but if I arrange them properly they will be over the times when I have my meals so I don?t have to eat.

(Im not going to add my choc slice into my cal intake, and to balance it out i wont add any of my exercise for the day - hope that makes sense!)

CALORIE SECTION:

Meals Food Consumed Cals

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcals

Lunch
Minted Cous Cous 200kcals

Tea
Small vegetable Stir Fry 60kcals

Snacks
1/4 fruit and nut slice God Knows!

CAL INTAKE TOTAL 260KCALS

*cals for choc slice not added because have used exercise to cancel out both*
EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

15 minutes cycling, moderate 100kcals

30 minutes walking, moderate 100kcals

10 mins on treadmill and 1 hour boxercise class, hard 500kcals

EXERCISE BURN TOTAL 700KCALS

*burnt cals not deducted due to my fat self consuming choc slice! Fat Pig!*
Well, im gonna head for the hay now and call it a night. I really need to get some decent zzz?s before tomorrow?s gig! Lol.

Keep going all of you and love & luck to you all

Xx Poppy xx

Another Day, Another Battle - Why does food attack you like locusts when u avoid it?!

Well..here i am documenting another day!


How come it's so easy to binge, and yet when you try to avoid food it attacks you like the plague, and all the day seems to revolve around is how you managed to avoid it all!

Today has been a bit wobbly, but i can, luckily, guarantee that tomorrow will be under 300kcals. Hopefully under 200kcals.

However, we are not talking about tomorrow, we are still on today!

I, surprisingly, woke up at 8am today! This was due to my taking those syndol tablets last night to help me sleep. They really helped. Anyway, it was the typical mia morning - i got up, walked straight to the kitchen, woolfed down two slices of cake then automatically vomited up every bit. I then when back to bed and fell asleep until 1pm. I was a bit disappointed that i did it, especially at the beginning of the day, but as im pretty certain that hardly any calories were absorbed, i dont feel as terrible as if i had just binged.

At 2pm, my sister and I walked into town. After getting my necessary bits (half of which were for ED and SH related purposes - bandages for my recent SH, syndol tablets so i can sleep and avoid tea), my sister called me over and said what would i have for lunch because i hadnt had anything. After she said 'you shouldnt starve yourself', i really snapped her head off and said i wasnt. She walked me round the store and so i had to pick up crisps, i told her i had a sandwich at home (which i did from not eating it yesterday). While i picked up the ingredients for my low cal under 300kcals risotto im going to make, she went off and picked up cookies and ice cream!

When we got home, we decided to watch a film, so i told her to go get it and i'd get lunch ready. As she went upstairs, i tore off loads of my sandwich and laid the rest on a plate to make it look like i'd eaten it. When she whizzed off again shortly after, i did the same until i only had a crust left. No luck with the crisps though, as she was watching over me i had to eat the lot!

As it reached 6pm, i quickly got ready and cycled down to my aerobics class. For some reason i found it harder today and coloured up like a great big plum! I was so mortified - i was only out of exercise for a week due to bak hols and being ill! I flet really dizzy when i was there too and i dont know why... With cals burnt off and that behind me i went home.

Tea was only a little way away and i made sure i had a veggie stirfry at hand (only around 60-70kcals). Despite the fact that after the crisps i'd had earlier, i wanted to make up for the crisp calories by not having tea, i couldnt because i'd already skipped yesterdays tea. I scooted upstairs afterwards and have been here since.

Im looking forward to tomorrow because i've got work (not as much hassleing over food) and then as my boxercise class is at 7 and i finish at 6. Im going to go to the gym and run on the treadmill for half an hour on top of the hours boxercise class! Then im going to have more veggie stirfry, so hopefully calorie prediction for tomorrow is looking under 100kcals!

CALORIE SECTION:



MEALS FOOD CONSUMED CALS

Breakfast 2 slices of cake b/p all

Lunch 1 packet of crisps 200kcal

Tea veggie stir fry 70kcal

Snacks nothing 0kcal

CALORIE INTAKE TOTAL 270KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

Cycled to and from town (10 mins each), moderate 200kcal

1 hour aerobics class, hard workout 600kcal

EXERCISE BURN TOTAL 800KCAL

I feel for all you out there who also have to deal with beady eyed families - its a pain isnt it?! I cant wait until a) my sister goes back to college in a weeks time and b) i go back to Bath in January - then i can fast and just eat veggies! yay!

A Bientot mes amis

(hope that was right - havent done french in years! lol)

* Poppy * @-,-'--

Bank cards, deep cuts and cheese sandwiches - my life on the

Howdy!
Lots has happened and few calories have been consumed today. I've just taken some tablets to get me off to sleep so you'll be able to tell when they are kicking in because my narrative will start wandering! lol.

Firstly, i woke up to an answer phone message being left from my boss:

'its quarter to ten, can you let me know if you are coming into work today because you were supposed to start at nine thirty'

Then my sister said 'arent you supposed to be working today? SHIIIIIIIT! I had overslept! I quickly got dressed and ran out the door. I had to walk so, all in all i was an hour late! I used the excuse to my boss that i thought today was the day this week i had my day off! Luckily i didnt get a pissed off ticking-off from her.

What was also fortunate was that i now only had about 3 hours till my lunch break. It wasnt the lunch part i was looking forward to, more like the break from the monotonous job! My boss left to briefly go into town and i had to fight off my temptation to eat a piece of my favourite chocolate slice. I just kept telling myself that it wasnt worth it, and that if i held off of longer i would feel better about it.

At lunchtime, i walked down into town to 'go get lunch'. At least that was the rubbish i fed my boss who said she would have picked me up something if she'd known i would have had to go back in. I was thankful she didnt - shes suspicious enough without buying me loads of calorie-ladden foods just to see me eat!

I bought a cheese sandwich (the lowest cal vegetarian sandwich out of a very poor selection), two pepsi maxes, and two foodie magazines (so i can pull out very low cal recipies). I lingered for what seemed like forever around the chocolate section, and actually picked up a fudge stick. But as i walked up to the counter, i thought how, if i ate it, one thing would lead to another. I shoved it on a random shelf and quickly walked away.

I didnt eat the sandwich, and even when i was buying it i hadnt intended to eat it. It had swooped across my mind that for half of it, it would be 200kcals (leaving 100kcals for tea), but i decided that would be risking it for tea, and also cheese is REALLY fattening. The reason i got it was if my boss was being nosey and wanted to see what i'd got. I would be prepared with a sandwich.

The rest of work hopped by quite quickly actually. I had a hard time not drooling over the meals when no one was in the store - its always a good game to make up my 'ideal meal of the day' to myself going round the store picking out foods with my eyes. I chose some meals as an emergency plan for this evening (incase nothing else was planned - i would have a guaranteed calorie-safe meal at hand): a meal for the rest of my family, a low cal veggie kids meal for me and lunch for my mum. But when i got to the till i realised i had left my card in the shop i went to get lunch! ahhh!

I will count myself lucky, because even though the food wasnt terribly bad as it could have been, it is always better not buying than actually buying food!

After work i walked to the shop and collected my card. I just wanted to get home so i marched home only to meet my mum moaning at me (again!) for not getting to work on time. I know it was bad and ive learnt it was wrong - now give it up! I know already!

I came up to my room and have been here since. It is just after 8pm now so i presume they have had their tea, so i presume (to my delight) that im going tea-gratis! lol. I have moved my drawer so that it is blocking my door, because i know no one can move it when its like that. I means its my DIY version of a lock to keep them out! lol

BTW. those of you who read my blog yesterday will know that i said i wanted to cut myself. I did last night on my legs with two types of scissors and a razor blade. It really hurts now! But i cannot complain because it is self-inflicted. I just wish i could do it to my arms because that feels more satisfying, but as i do exercise its too risky.

Right, heres the breakdown of today:

CALORIE SECTION:

MEAL FOOD CONSUMED CALS

Breakfast
Nothing 0kcal

Lunch
Nothing 0kcal

Tea
Nothing 0kcal

Snacks
Nothing 0kcal

...the only things i've really had today are:

o two bottles of pepsi max
o two pint glasses of no added sugar squash

TOTAL CALS INTAKE: 0KCAL

EXERCISE SECTION:

EXERCISE CALS BURNED

Nothing

0kcal

Unfortunately, after i got home i didnt go out again, but it got me out of tea so i think it was the better situation.

EXERCISE TOTALS BURNT: 0KCAL

Thanks for letting me know how much you like my blog Jen! I've actually managed to write in it two days in a row now! lol.

Night!

xo Poppy ox